October 6th, 2013

NEW CRACK IN WALLAh, Readers! Bear with me, please, as I get my feet beneath me navigating the site! Having been given permissions to blog in several categories here, I found in retrospect that I had posted under 'adoptee' rather than here under "Adoption Search''.  Please read the posts at the links given as they really do give the MOST important things to do prior to beginning a search. Here are the links: "Again and Again I Say, Prepare!" ; "Avoiding the Undertow". In an upcoming article, (not here in the blog section), you will read of my "Box Full of Matches". This is like a tool box, with each match… [more]

Questions to Ask Your Paid Adoption Searcher

October 27th, 2009

47379_mobile_phone_searching___Reuniting with your family members can be a difficult and arduous journey. For some, the search is simple, quick, and easy. For others, it is a process-a long process, at that. Whether hiring a private detective is the first option on your list or the last option, here are some common questions to inquire about before settling on one private detective over another. What resources will be used? Find out what methods he or she regularly employs to get the job done. Are you comfortable with all the methods or resources that may be used? Your private investigator should be able to talk in depth about each resource. Not only should you be comfortable with it, he or she should also be confident… [more]

How to Use Reunion Registries

May 30th, 2007
Categories: How to..., Registries

Adoption reunion registries can sometimes match people quickly. However, most registries are mutual consent registries and only work when both parties sign up. Many people are not aware of these registries which cuts down on the probability that they will result in a match. However, with the popularity of the Internet, I believe that more people find their way to registries every day.'s registry currently has over 300,000 people registered. Below are some points to regarding the use of an adoption registry: 1. Many people who use adoption registries cannot completely fill out forms required to sign up because they may not know the information. People who manage the registries understand that this is the case. Don't worry if… [more]

How to Reconnect at Reunion

May 29th, 2007

In some reunions, there is an instant and immediate connection. The other party may seem somewhat familiar. There may seem to be many common interests between the two parties, and often many similarities in personalities. The more like minded the two parties are, the greater the probability that they may feel an instant connection. Sometimes the two parties seem nothing alike. The person that they meet at reunion seems like a stranger, an alien. Nearly every belief that they have may be in opposition to the other party's beliefs. In either case, connecting on a deep level and building a lasting and fulfilling relationship takes some work. Here are a few suggestions to help connect with your birth parent or adult child: 1. Try to… [more]

How to Make a Birth Mom Angry

May 13th, 2007

For a birth mother in reunion, all sorts of remarks will be offered once you volunteer the news that you have been found or found your child. One of the main reasons I never told anyone that I was a birth mother until reunion was my fear that people would reject me once they heard my "secret." All in all, I was fortunate to receive lots of support and few insensitive comments. Here are some of the ways and comments nearly guaranteed to stir up reunited birth moms and set their blood boiling: 1. One of the all time favorite comments made to reunited birth mothers upon news that they are reunited: "Oh great, so everything is okay now!"… [more]

How to Set People Straight – the Search

May 9th, 2007
Categories: How to...

This "how-to" will give you some ideas on how to set people straight when you tell them about your search or reunion. Keep it on hand in case you receive some of the stereotypical remarks that many adoptees or birth parents do. Here are some comments you might receive when you tell someone about a search, and comebacks to those remarks, polite and less polite: For Adoptees: "Why on earth would you want to do that?" Polite - "She is my mother - well, one of them at least. I would like to know about her and I imagine she might like to know me. I am curious." Less Polite - "Why wouldn't I?" "Your adoptive parents don't mind? Polite - "Of course they don't. They know… [more]

How to Give Unconditional Love

May 6th, 2007

Whether your adult child at reunion articulates the need or not, they probably can benefit from unconditional love from you. However, I will begin with a warning to proceed slowly and cautiously. Providing unconditional love to your child may be scary for them and overwhelm them. In How to Support Your Child at Reunion I mentioned that unconditional love is one essential way to support your child at reunion. Here are some of the ways for birth parents to provide unconditional love: 1. Accept your child without reservation for the person they have become. A complicated set of factors made them who they are today. Since you had little input into their upbringing, they might not… [more]

How to Organize Your Search

May 6th, 2007
Categories: How to..., Search

There are many reasons why some adoption searches seem to drag on with no success. Some searches are more difficult than others for a variety of reasons. However, your approach to a search can affect how well a search progresses as well. Effective searching begins with being organized. Here are a few ways to begin an organized search, keep on track and stay focused and organized: 1. Determine what is available in your state to help you search. Check out your state website for information about access to adoption records. Does the state where the adoption occurred have the confidential intermediary system? Can you petition the court for records? Find local adoption reform support groups in that state. Determine what methods… [more]

How to Support Your Child at Reunion (For Birthparents)

May 4th, 2007
Categories: Adoptees, How to...

When there is a reunion between a birth parent and their child (adult or not), a child might need certain things from their parent. They may be able to articulate what they want or need. It is possible that they have some clear and concise gaps that they hope that their parents can fill in for them. These gaps might be as simple as answering questions, or they could be more complex. There might be some specific emotional voids that they expect their birth parents to fill. The possibilities are numerous. However, it is more likely that they are uncertain themselves what they might need from their birth parents. After getting to know their parent a bit, they might… [more]

How To Succeed at Reunion

February 6th, 2007
Categories: How to..., Reunion

Although I went into reunion cold, with little or no preparation, I figured out quickly it was one relationship I did not intend to mess up. Here are the top tens ways I believe reunion has succeeded for my son and me: 1. Getting the Support Needed – It did not take me long to figure out that I needed a lot of help to wade through the murky and treacherous waters of reunion. Not only did I figure out quickly that I had to tell my husband immediately, I also sought out some professional help quickly as well. I called a psychiatrist who worked in the same building that I do, then began a quest to find an adoption therapist… [more]