My Biological Mother

May 15th, 2013

mothers heartMother’s Day was always a time of year I would wonder about my biological mother. When I was younger I knew I was adopted but didn’t know details, like my parents’ names or birthdays, so Hallmark Holidays such as Mother’s Day and Father’s Day usually were what would trigger reflection for me. Growing up, when I would think about my mother (biological) I would wonder many things. What did she look like? What did her voice sound like? Did she think about me too? Did she remember my birthday? Did she still love me? Did she regret the choice she made? There was a point in my life that I even went as far as writing a fictional story about… [more]

Adoption Loss and Support

March 6th, 2007
Categories: Issues, Loss

When a natural parent has lost a child to adoption she may feel guilt, shame, bitterness, anger and depression. You may feel that you found out too late that adoption did not deliver its promise to keep you free from difficulties and trapped you with a burden to silently bear. One thing about the adoption community is that we all have thoughts about what our lives would be like if adoption hadn’t touched us. The thing is that within the adoption community we all seem to know each others feelings and where they have stemmed from. Some may enjoy live search and support group meetings. Some have learned and realized at these meetings that because we know something about each other… [more]

Loss in Adoption – Part 2

August 29th, 2006
Categories: Issues, Loss

I have talked about the loss in adoption. The natural parents lose their child, the adoptee loses their biological connection and the adoptive parents lose of hope of a biological child. I truly believe it is important to acknowledge and validate these loses in adoption and go through the grief process. Some triad members deny that they have experienced a loss. I use the analogy of a drug or alcohol addicted person. In the drug addict or the alcoholic, they don’t see that they have a problem. There are triad members that do say that being adopted is not an issue for them. I think that those that state this truly feel this way because it protects… [more]

Loss in Adoption – Part 1

August 29th, 2006
Categories: Issues, Loss

My finding a grave at the end of my search is what truly inspired me to spend time helping triad members with their adoption issues, more specifically with search assistance and educating them about the issues that come along with adoption search and reunion. When I started my search I attended a support group meeting regularly and met a lot of adoptees and natural parents. After searching for 15 months, I attended my first adoption conference and then continued to attend both after finding a grave. What I learned was that I was not alone in my pain and that all members of the adoption triad were in pain. I had many false starts in my search and hit many brick walls… [more]

Grief, Loss, and Anger in Adoption

April 21st, 2006

A few weekends ago I encountered a searching adoptee whose anger is sadly getting the best of her. After a few email exchanges with her, I thought it might be good to write about the losses of adoption and grief. The thing with adoption is that there are gains and losses for all triad members. Adoptees gain parents while loosing their birth parents. Adoptive parents who are infertile become parents while losing the dream of giving birth to a child. Birth parents are relieved of the parenting while losing a child. Even in the world of open adoptions, there is loss. There is no way around it. No matter how we look at it, every adoptee losses their birth family, even in… [more]