My Biological Mother

May 15th, 2013

mothers heartMother’s Day was always a time of year I would wonder about my biological mother. When I was younger I knew I was adopted but didn’t know details, like my parents’ names or birthdays, so Hallmark Holidays such as Mother’s Day and Father’s Day usually were what would trigger reflection for me. Growing up, when I would think about my mother (biological) I would wonder many things. What did she look like? What did her voice sound like? Did she think about me too? Did she remember my birthday? Did she still love me? Did she regret the choice she made? There was a point in my life that I even went as far as writing a fictional story about… [more]

Forgiving Yourself Part 2

September 29th, 2006
Categories: Forgiveness, Issues

Forgiveness is a choice that takes courage and strength and it gives you the opportunity to become someone who has dealt with the adoption experience rather than remaining a victim of your own scorn. Is not forgiving yourself a form of pride? If you have enacted a different set of rules at a higher set of standards for yourself over others then that is pride. When it can be found within yourself to forgive others but not ourselves are you saying that you are less capable of making a decision than others. Someone we are more intuitive, wiser, more insightful, more careful than others and without excuse and should not forgive ourselves? When someone rejects forgiveness when someone refuses to… [more]

Forgiveness

September 6th, 2006
Categories: Forgiveness, Issues

“Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and our selves.” ~ Sidney and Suzanne Simon Is everyone the kind of person capable of forgiving? I think that most of us would like to think that we are but are we really? Is forgiving sometimes hard and feels like a closed door instead of an open door inside our hearts? We may think that we want to forgive someone for something but it ends up feeling heavy and some how just wrong. We may know deep inside that… [more]

Forgiveness at Reunion – Part 4 (For Adoptees)

August 12th, 2006
Categories: Forgiveness, Issues

For adoptees, there may be a need to forgive your birth mother for the decision that she made so many years ago. Even if your adoption and life have been happy and fulfilling, you may still have felt some effects from being relinquished. Yes, you may have some anger. Birth mothers who have educated themselves about adoption may understand your anger. However, it may puzzle some birth moms that their children are angry. Most birth mothers relinquished their children wanting the best for them, and believing that adoption was the best, most loving choice. Some were coerced into relinquishing. Many of us felt that due to lack of financial and emotional support, we had scant options. None of the birth moms… [more]

Forgiveness at Reunion – Part 3 (Birth Moms)

August 10th, 2006

Many of the fathers of babies relinquished in decades past were quite young themselves. Although some may have made some attempts to be helpful and supportive, most had minimal ideas of exactly how and what they should do. Birth dads differ just like birth moms. Even those birth dads who tried to find ways to help avoid the adoption option failed due to their youth and immaturity. For others, their coping skills may have led them to flee the situation out of fear. Some men were just plain irresponsible and uncaring individuals. I believe this category of irresponsible jerks to be the minority though. Even though a birth mom may believe that the birth dad failed her and her child, it can… [more]

Forgiveness at Reunion – Part 2 (Birth Moms)

August 10th, 2006

Forgiving others for their lack of real knowledge about adoption is a necessary step towards healing at the time of reunion. Anger is one of the steps that most people in reunion pass through. Some people remain stuck forever with the anger, and others have bouts of anger, but mostly have conquered their anger. After you have passed through the anger stage in healing, forgiveness is the next logical step. Unless and until you are able to forgive your parents and other trusted advisors, your anger may plague you and affect every relationship in your life. I am not advising you to forget what happened, but, to attempt to make peace with it, and forgive those who had a hand… [more]

Forgiveness at Reunion – Part 1

August 9th, 2006

Forgiveness is a huge issue to tackle at reunion. Many birth mothers have more than one person to begin to forgive at the time of a reunion. A crucial step in recovering from the wounds of adoption during reunion is finding ways to forgive, not only others, but yourself. For birth mothers from the infamous “baby scoop” era, when adoptions were at an all time high in the United States, there may be a fairly extensive list of people to forgive. Particularly for those women who were pressured into relinquishing, this list could be quite lengthy. Rarely did a relinquishment occur solely due to the counsel of one person. Therefore, there is a great deal of blame to divvy… [more]