Adoptive Parents’ Fears at Reunion

May 25th, 2006

One of the reasons that I first came to the forums at adoption.com was so that I could learn more about adoptive moms. I believe that some important changes need to occur in adoption, and that unless birth and adoptive moms unite, these changes will not occur. Being on the forums has helped me get to know and understand some adoptive moms. Just like birth moms, adoptive moms are a varied lot. Their ideas on adoption and reunion also can be vastly different as well. However, I think in general that many of us do have similar expectations and fears. Many of us approach reunion in the same manner as well. I would like to think that if adoptive parents understood birth parents better, they… [more]

Adoptive Parents

February 24th, 2006

For many adopted people, no matter how old they are, telling their adoptive parents that they are considering a search or searching is often a risky proposition. Many adoptees are fiercely protective of and loyal to the parents who raised them. They fear hurting their adoptive parents and/or worry about being rejected by them. The fear of hurting adoptive parents is so overwhelming for some adoptees that they refuse to search until their adoptive parents have passed away. Other adoptees trust their parents’ ability to be able to understand their need to reconnect with birth family, and include them in the search process. Some adoptive parents even help their children with their searches and are able to encourage and support them. This is… [more]

For Adoptees – Adoptive & Birth Parents

February 15th, 2006

I keep hearing so many adoptees with concerns about hurting their parents - birth or adoptive by initiating a search. First, in regard to birth parents, so many adopted people seem to voice the worry that it might be an intrusion or "disturb" their birth families for them to be contacted. As a mother who was found, here's what I want you to know about that. For me, and many birth moms, that initial contact is often a profound shock. I would be doing a huge disservice to tell you otherwise. For some it is more traumatic that others. However,no matter how a “found” birth mom or other family member reacts, remember that you are not responsible for how we handle being found. As long as you contact us in… [more]

Adoptive Parent Factor

February 9th, 2006

One factor in making the decision to search is the perception of how the adoptive parents might react. Many are afraid that the adoptive parents may feel that searching would hurt the adoptive parents. Even if the adoptive parents are willing to talk about it and answer the adoptees questions the best they could it may still be difficult to share with your adoptive parents that you are going to search. The fear of the reaction that they are your family and why would need to go any where else can be frightening. It is important to explain and emphasize that the adoptee does not want to replace the family and that they are loved. You may experience feelings of quilt and worry about hurting them. When… [more]