Search and reunion can be exciting and confusing times. Having some idea of what to expect, and how to handle various situations can be extremely helpful.

1) If you choose to make your first contact by mail, be certain that your letter is vague and non-revealing. You do not know who knows about the adoption, and it is best to let the found party control who they tell and when. 2) When the initial contact is by telephone, inquire as to whether the person is free to talk at the moment.... more

The two part blog series I wrote in February talks about the different types of DNA tests that can be utilized in your adoption search. Before you turn to DNA testing to help uncover your natural ancestry you first should probably learn some basics.

Each individual’s physical traits and characteristics are determined from our genes and our chromosomes hold our genetic material and carry genetic information in long strands of DNA called genes. DNA acts... more

Recently someone asked me a few questions about being contacted by an intermediary on behalf of someone they were separated from through adoptions a few decades ago.

This initial contact left this person with lump in her stomach and she felt as if her world was turned upside down She also had a sense of relief and excitement. She had a variety of feelings surface from elation to sadness, joy to anger, along with a high level o f anxiety and an overwhelming need to have immediate contact.

In general it is safe to say that... more

The last day of 2006, what a whirlwind of a year this has been for me! As the old year ends, I cannot help but marvel at all that I have learned. Throughout the year about, I have seen the amazing resilency and resourcefulness of those separated by adoption. The dogged determination and strong desire to reunite in many separate family members continues to amaze me with each new story that I uncover.

The opportunity to watch and hear stories of search and reunions has been an exciting one for me. As reunions increase and become more frequent, more research... more

This photo is one that I took a few years ago in Paris. Don't ask what it has to do with the subject of this blog - there is no correlation. I just liked this photo and wanted to use it!

Our new adoptee blogger Jupe is not an anguished adoptee who blames every problem or issue in her life on her adoption. In fact, in her past few blogs she has said that she is hard pressed to identify issues that are specific to adoption (or words to that effect.) I commented that I do believe that there are some issues that are unique to adoptees. Jupe's response is below.

I... more

For anyone who celebrates the holiday, Merry Christmas! If you celebrate another holiday, I wish you good wishes for whatever holiday you do celebrate.

Some suggestions have been offered for Christmas presents for triad members. As a reunited mother, I have thought what could have made a difference to me over the years when my son and I were still apart. Photos and information about him would have been welcomed and cherished.

However, I think that best present that anyone can ever give a birth/first mother is... more

On Thanksgiving Day, my son Chris called to wish me Happy Thanksgiving. (I know that it is nearly Christmas, but I am way behind.) We chatted for awhile and he told me about the gathering of family on turkey day in his part of the country. The family group sounded fairly large this year. It included Chris, his brother and financee, his brother's child, their mom (adoptive), their dad (divorced from the mom)and his brother's birth mom and a few others.

It was funny when he mentioned that his brother's birth mom was invited. He quickly mentioned it was because... more

I applaud the adoptees who are conscious of the feelings of hose around them. These are the folks who realize that search isn’t all about them and what they need and desire. It is important to have some respect to the adoptive parents. The adoptive parents are deserving of that respect and they are deserving to come to terms with adoption search in their own way.

It is so much more than searching or being found. There is so much that happens in the discovery process and to make assumptions about what the adoptee is feeling is wrong. All triad members... more

Taking the time for you as an adoptee to go through a decision making process that involves your own thoughts does not make you a selfish spoiled person. It is also okay to think about the spiritual aspects of your placement.

For some your religious identify may be an important part of who you are. For those who have strong religious faith and who identify with that faith there can be some powerful thoughts in the process of rediscovery.

I was the searcher and honestly can say if the tables were reversed I would have mixed feelings about being... more

Life is a book with many chapters. Some tell of tragedy, others of triumph. Some chapters are dull and ordinary, others intense and exciting. The key to being a succcess in life is to never stop on a difficult page, to never quit on a tough chapter. Champions have the courage to keep turning the pages because they know a better chapter lies ahead and nothing is impossible.

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My live is full of so much sheer goodness right now. I have had my share of trials and tribulations like everyone does. However,... more