Because I Loved You: A Birthmother’s View of Open Adoption By Patricia Dischler is a wonderful book written from the perspective of a birth mother who relinquished her son through a semi open adoption in 1984 that evolved into an open adoption.

The book takes you though Patricia’s story from before she learned she was pregnant, to learning of her pregnancy, and the decisions she had to make before she gave birth to her son. The semi open adoption that was arranged changed to an open adoption when her son was 12 and ends with her son’s high school graduation and her son’s involvement and thoughts regarding her telling her story.

The book shows the pains and struggles that a... more

Want to do some research? Homework? I have an exercise that I would love as many readers as possible to undertake. Make a trip to your local library or book store, and ask for books on adoption search and reunion. Also, check out the number of books available for people wanting to adopt. Look too for books on birth parents, stories and support. Then come back & let me know what you discover. If I didn’t know that the numbers of adoption searchers were very high, I might believe that there is not a large enough a market for such books. I have not spoken to any book... more

One of the questions I have received many times through out my experience in the adoption community is from those who are searching and wanting to know where to go look for information. Below is where you can find much information that is public record. Depending on the state and/or county in which you are searching, information may be accessible on line via the internet.

Local Records—Courthouse Marriage, divorce, veteran, property owners, assessors, probate, recorder of deed, judgments, lawsuits, liens, criminal, and business licenses Public Library... more

I knew that I needed to read this book. I also expected that it would be painful to read. On both counts, I was correct. Many birth mothers feel similarly, and Ann Fessler's book is attracting a great deal of attention amongst those in the adoption community.

Here is today's New York Times review.

Yesterday, I spoke to a birth mother who has been reading this book. She described to me how it has affected her. She told me that she has been reading it late each... more

For a birth parent searching, once you believe that you have a name, sometimes religious records and/or newspaper birth announcements may be useful in a search. You may know the religion in which an adoptee is raised. Birth parents sometimes request that their child be raised in a certain religion. Their wishes in this regard are not always honored, but, they are sometimes. With a name and religion for a child, it is sometimes possible to locate the nearest church or synagogue that the child may have attended.

You may be obtain to obtain christening, baptismal or other... more

The relationships that result from a reunion may be more complicated in some ways, but, they are as varied as any other relationship. Some adoptees speak to their birth moms daily; others may talk less often. Visits between adoptees and birth families are more frequent for some parties than others.

Not only does proximity to each other affect the frequency of visits, but other facts do as well. Some reunion relationships fare better than others. The frequency of contact may not be an adequate indicator of how good a relationship the two parties have. Some people crave more contact... more

One of the most significant questions many adoptees want to know is the reason they were relinquished. Though it may seem obvious to many people what the most commons reasons are, I believe that many people do not really understand what motivates many women to relinquish or place a baby for adoption.

Nor do many people understand the social pressures of the past or present which may lead a women to feel that she has no real choice. Crisis pregnancy creates an insecurity and vulnerability in many women that is difficult to accurately describe.

I generally use... more

A new adoption book receiving rave reviews is: “The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade.” One of the "girls" whose story is chronicled in this book is Susan Mello Souza, who has written her own adoption book.

Written by adoptee Ann Fessler, this revealing book chronicles the lives of birth mothers during the notorious "baby scoop" era, many of whom were sent to "maternity homes" to give birth and relinquish their babies. Unwed motherhood was a socially unacceptable, taboo, and... more

Sounds ominous, huh? However, using the Social Security Death Index can be quite helpful in finding birth relatives. There are several ways to get further information once you have found a deceased birth family member's date of death.

First, once you have the date of death of a family member, you will want to work on getting their obituary ("obit"). There are a number of ways to find the obituary you need. I just typed into a search engine "obituaries on-line" and found this link. Free-Obituaries... more

At times, I think it is somewhat ironic that I write about adoption search. After all, I was not brave enough to search for my son.

On the other hand, that is precisely why I do write about searching. I realize now that reunion can be a very positive experience and wish that I had searched years ago. Had I known then what I know now, I am convinced that I would have searched.

An important part of any undertaking is your attitude, and how you approach a task. Search and reunion are no exception. Your attitude in approaching both are crucial in... more