The second Sunday of this month millions of people in the United States will be celebrating Mother’s Day. This is a holiday that occurs annually in the United States and dates back to ancient Romans. I believe it was made a national holiday in the United States on May 8, 1914. Woodrow Wilson was president and he signed a resolution directing government officials to display the United States flag on all government buildings, and the people to display the flag at their homes or other suitable places as a public expression of our love and reverence for the mothers of our... more

Over the weekend I learned that Adoption Network Cleveland recently received the 2005 Anisfield-Wolf Memorial $20,000 Award from the Center for Community Solutions and the Cleveland Foundation.

Adoption Network Cleveland was recognized for its work in finding permanent adoptive families for children and teens in Cuyahoga County. The annual award recognizes outstanding service by a nonprofit organization serving Greater Clevelanders.

Adoption Network Cleveland was founded in 1998 and is an educational, advocacy, support and search group for people affected... more

The fourth core issue in adoption is Grief. All losses whether in adoption or not must be grieved. However, losses in adoption, like miscarriage are difficult to mourn. Adoption is seen as by society as a better alternative to adoption and is seen as a problem solving event that is filled with joy. Unlike death of a loved one there are no rituals, and no ceremonies. The grief of adoption can return in triad member’s lives at times of subsequent loss such as the death of an adoptees adoptive parent.

If the grief is delayed it can lead to depression, or acting out... more

Rejection is the second core issue. It is human nature for individuals to cope with a loss by personalizing it. Triad members often times try to decipher what they did or didn’t do that led to the loss and become sensitive to the slightest hint of rejection. Therefore, situations are avoided where they might be rejected or to provoke rejection in order to validate their negative self perception.

It took a lot of hard work for me to not view my placement for adoption by my natural mother as anything other than total rejection. The concept of being “chosen” means... more

I think that the one thing that all triad members can agree on is that adoption is lifelong for all triad members. Through adoption families are united and the creation of a family through adoption can be a great joy and painful.

There are what many refer to as “the 7 core issues in adoption” and I want to try and write about each of these issues briefly to help everyone better understand one another and the effects of the adoption journey.

These 7 core issues are as follows: 1) Loss 2) Rejection 3) Guilt and Shame 4) Grief 5) Identity... more

As a constant reader, I have a wide variety of sources for the books I read. I order many books on-line. I frequent the large and reader friendly bookstores near my office. Sometimes, I even drop into a local thrift store near my office at lunch.

My latest purchase from the local thrift store was a book about raising children called "Guideposts for Growing Up". The book was copyright in 1969, the year my oldest son was born and adopted into another family. It was written by Elizabeth B. Hurlock, Ph.D, who was an associate in psychology at a graduate school in Pennsylvannia.

When... more

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I recall reading a post some time ago on "What Not to Say to an Adoptive Parent". It inspired this post.

1. That's wonderful that you are reunited and everything worked out fine.

Reunion does not magically "fix" the past or the future. It is a mistake to assume that just because one is reunited means that "everything worked out fine." Reunion is a wonderful experience, but, nothing makes up for all the years apart. Some adoptees and birth parents would not agree that everything worked out that great.

2. What about your(or your child's) adoptive family?... more

In part 1, I discussed how a book called "Guideposts for Growing Up" advised parents on raising adopted children in 1969. Only one sentence in the discussion about raising adopted children was of great enough importance to be included in italics. The author said that most foster parents would like to know who are the parents of the child they adopt. Then in italics, she said

"This they should never know."

The tone was stern; there was no mistaking that she felt quite certain about this piece of advice.

The reasoning behind never knowing... more

There are some books that just should be ready by every one whether they have no intention of search, or are searching, or had a reunion a long time ago. These books will help all triad members understand what has happened to us as a group of people. I also think that adoption professionals, social workers, counselors, lawyers, judges, doctors, and nurses should read these books so that they can discover what their policies and practices are doing to those affected by adoption.

The first book is Lost and Found: The Adoption Experience by Betty Jean Lifton. Many in the... more

Living and experiencing the closed adoption era it is clouded by secrecy, shame, and silence. For some, it may be an experience that was fueled by betrayal and lies.

In today’s world the family structure is complex and there are numerous reasons why mothers and babies are unable to stay together. I am not against adoption but I do feel that it should be the last resort.

When I first started my search for my natural family in 1991 one myth that I believed was that I was not wanted and not loved. This was a very negative imprint for me. It created resentment and... more