As I mulled over how to respond to Sandra's challenging email, I decided that I obviously was a annoying thorn in her side. She had visions of less children being adopted because of my views and that made her angry.

I am speculating here, but, I also think that she saw some truth and reason in some of my writings, and due to that she could not just dismiss me. Although she wanted to just ignore me, she saw a glimmer of some commonality between us. I suppose that might also be why I made a kind comment to her as well.

The initial response that... more

As a child, and knowing you were adopted you don’t have the ability of rational and logical thinking. You may have unconsciously taken the experience of being relinquished to adoption as personal and felt the emotional currents of society at the time which could have ranged from fear, worry, frustration, fear, anger, pain, shame, etc. One develops its emotional and behavioral defenses in reaction to the emotional pain that was experienced.

For me, for a long time it was easier to show my love to my dog than it was humans. It took me a long... more

I have been thinking about topics to write about and this evening I thought about a triad member that I know and a discussion we recently had in regards to the fear of intimacy.

Those of us who have a fear of intimacy it is because we have a fear of abandonment, betrayal and rejection. We have these fears because of our adoption experience, a life experience, or a combination of both. The feelings of being emotionally abandoned, rejected and betrayed are experienced for those whose lives are touched by adoption because as adoptees, our natural... more

Last night, my husband and I had a conversation where I shared a fear that I have with him. His response was that fears are based on assumptions and used the analogy of your in the woods and fear a lion….you assume the lion is going to attack so that is why you are afraid. I had no response and have been mulling over this thought process ever since.

I think what he was trying to say is that I had to figure out is determine what my fear is based on. You can’t beat what isn’t real and you can’t overcome what is real if you won’t admit... more

For adoptive parents, this site provides some information on how to help raise adopted children. One link that I found of interest was to an on-line course offered by "Adoption Learning Partners". The course is called, "Finding the Missing Pieces - Helping Adopted Children Cope With Grief and Loss". This course is free, but they charge $30 for a Certificate of Completion.

Several other courses are available. Here is the link... more

``I've been wanting to tell you something," she said in a near-whisper. ``But I was afraid." Adams leaned toward his mother, whose curly white hair framed her narrow face. ``David," she said, looking straight at him. ``You're adopted."

Story about an 70 year old adoptee. This story is a real doozy! The adoptee was told about his adoption when he was 70 years old. His adoptive mom was... more

Good mothers want what is best for their children. Many people are convinced that means growing up in a happy, traditional two parent family. Some birth mothers relinquish their children to adoption believing that will insure that happy family. They do not understand that relinquishing a child can contribute to dramatic and negative effects on adoptees. I want to point out this blog entry of Karen, my blogging partner on search and reunion in case you may have missed... more

The lack of medical history or genetic information is often times an issue for the adoptee. A visit to the doctors office can be an eye opener that the adoptee differs from those who were not adopted. When the doctor asks for medical history the adoptee may feel very uncomfortable.

The feelings of the need for genetic information may be intensified when the adoptee is getting married or becomes a parent. The adoptee has questions about the child will or have produced such as will the child inherit any genetic disorders. Sadly, the fear of the unknown has kept some... more

As a teenager the hardest thing I think that is done is establishing an identity. This is whether the teenager is adopted or not they are dealing with questions or Who Am I? Where do I fit in? What do I want to do with my life? However, when the teenager is adopted the search for personal identity is complicated because of the mystery and in today’s’ world still secrecy. They may wonder about their physical characteristics and may have questions that the adoptive parents can’t answer. For example, they may be wanting to know where they got a specific talent? Was everyone... more

I was the type of person that I was able to work though my adoption feelings and issues on my own with the support of friends and family. However, there are some who feel they need to seek professional help to deal with the variety of emotions they feel about being adopted. The fear of loss or abandonment can be intense for some adoptees. It was for me for a long time and I felt as if it happened once when I was born, it can happen again. It took me a long time to work through this and fine a comfortable place. There are still times that I fear that those who I am... more