I think it is natural for adoptive parents to have strong conflicting emotions even if they are supportive of their child and sympathize with their need to search for a birth parent. However, for the adoptee, the longing in their spirit is to become peaceful and have a new understanding.

Even though adoptive parents were supportive in the search, when the search is completed they may experience some strong conflicting emotions. They may become fearful and angry; they may also feel sorrow, jealousy, betrayal, guilt and a sense of failure. These feelings may be tangled... more

In a previous post, I spoke about some of the fears that adoptive parents may face at reunion. They range from fear of losing their child to the birth family to worrying that the birth family may hurt their child in some way. Some of the fears that adoptive parents have about reunion may be reality based, others less so. Nevertheless, these fears are real and valid to those who feel them.

The fear of losing their child at reunion is not a realistic one, in my opinion. It is rare that at reunion a child decides to discontinue contact with an adoptive family. What is more... more

Stands to reason that my daughter, the mother of my three cherished grandchildren, would be one of my favorite moms. I suppose it is not hard to understand that my other special moms have ties to adoption. I do spend a great deal of time with triad members.

One of my dearest friends, and a favorite mom, I met shortly after my reunion. She is the first birth mom that I ever met. I sent her a Mothers' Day card a few years back knowing that it might be the only one that she received. Her only child, a son and father of three, does not want contact with her. He fears that it would... more

Sometimes we scoff at certain holidays. We wonder if perhaps some of our these events must certainly have been invented by florists and/or greeting card makers. Certainly, there are many commercial aspects to many of our holidays. We even threaten to boycott certain events since we have become so suspicious of the origins of certain celebration days.

Mothers' Day is not a holiday that too many of us ignore. Most people revere mothers and justly feel that they are most deserving of honor and praise.

Julia Ward Howe, one of the inventors of Mothers' Day holiday believed:... more

A good fried of mine has 2 adopted children and in conversation with her and her husband, they said a few things that surprised me as adoptive parents. The husband said that the best thing that he do is love his child’s mother, meaning his wife. In our conversation, we took it a step further and they both agreed that the best thing they can do for their children is to love their children’s birth mothers and let their children know that they do.

This couple adopted internationally both times and they will never know the birth mother. It is quite different than the... more

Yesterday when I sat down to write my blog, I wanted to focus on the adoptive parents today and talking about information that will aid the adoptee to search when he or she is old enough. Then, I think I realized that because society is different today and with so many open adoptions, the search process for the current adoption years from now will be much different.

I think that one point I want to make is that we all know that the children that are adopted today may have difficult details in their personal histories. I am not a parent yet, and hope to be someday.... more

Society and adoption has changed a great deal in the United States since the 1950’s, 1960’s, and even the 1970’s. Society has become more accepting of unwed mothers or single parents. Adoption has changed in the manner of instead of closed adoption; there are options for openness that didn’t exist at the time I was adopted. The attitudes toward adoption are more positive.

I think that a lot of parents try to understand their children by observing their behavior and listening to what they say. As the child gets older, I think adoptive parents have a difficult... more

In the closed adoption era, I think that the one life event for adoptees that has no age requirements or timing requirements is when an adoptee finds out he or she is adopted. When this happens, we adoptees suddenly find out that everything we have been told about ourselves is not true and sets up insecurity and a need to find out where we came from. There are times that I think many adoptees, including myself, think or thought that a search may be able to replace the quicksand the past suddenly became For that reason, a search can occur at any age.

I have helped many... more

One factor in making the decision to search is the perception of how the adoptive parents might react. Many are afraid that the adoptive parents may feel that searching would hurt the adoptive parents. Even if the adoptive parents are willing to talk about it and answer the adoptees questions the best they could it may still be difficult to share with your adoptive parents that you are going to search. The fear of the reaction that they are your family and why would need to go any where else can be frightening.

It is important to explain and emphasize that the adoptee does not want to replace the family and that they are loved. You may experience feelings of quilt and worry about... more