Many of you probably can imagine some of the ideas I used to hold about adoption. A few of you probably still fervently believe some of the same things that I used to believe. You know - stuff like birth mothers forgetting and moving on with their lives - not holding their babies because it would make it harder for them later -ideas along those lines.

Domestic newborn adoption is the area that I feel needs the most reform, so, I focus on that area of adoption most often. Many of the "old" ideas still abound in newborn adoptions. My views on both pre-birth matching and adoptive parents... more

Continuing on from part 1, more comments not to say to a birth parent in reunion.

5. How brave, courageous and unselfish you were. Some women who relinquish babies or children to adoption are all those things. However, as I mentioned previously, it is making a huge assumption without really knowing the facts, to say that to someone. Many women who relinquish do not feel as though they were "brave"; they feel that they were weak and powerless. Therefore, they may not want praise for what they may consider a wrong or poor decision. They believe that if they had been... more

I recall reading a post some time ago on "What Not to Say to an Adoptive Parent". It inspired this post. These are some of my favorite comments better not made to a reunited birth mom.

1. "That's wonderful that you are reunited and everything worked out fine." Reunion does not magically "fix" the past or the future. It is a mistake to assume that just because one is reunited means that "everything worked out fine." Reunion is a wonderful experience, but, nothing makes up for all the years apart. Many adoptees and birth parents would not agree that everything worked... more

In a previous post, I spoke about some of the fears that adoptive parents may face at reunion. They range from fear of losing their child to the birth family to worrying that the birth family may hurt their child in some way. Some of the fears that adoptive parents have about reunion may be reality based, others less so. Nevertheless, these fears are real and valid to those who feel them.

The fear of losing their child at reunion is not a realistic one, in my opinion. It is rare that at reunion a child decides to discontinue contact with an adoptive family. What is more... more

Stands to reason that my daughter, the mother of my three cherished grandchildren, would be one of my favorite moms. I suppose it is not hard to understand that my other special moms have ties to adoption. I do spend a great deal of time with triad members.

One of my dearest friends, and a favorite mom, I met shortly after my reunion. She is the first birth mom that I ever met. I sent her a Mothers' Day card a few years back knowing that it might be the only one that she received. Her only child, a son and father of three, does not want contact with her. He fears that it would... more

Sometimes we scoff at certain holidays. We wonder if perhaps some of our these events must certainly have been invented by florists and/or greeting card makers. Certainly, there are many commercial aspects to many of our holidays. We even threaten to boycott certain events since we have become so suspicious of the origins of certain celebration days.

Mothers' Day is not a holiday that too many of us ignore. Most people revere mothers and justly feel that they are most deserving of honor and praise.

Julia Ward Howe, one of the inventors of Mothers' Day holiday believed:... more

Some advocates of search and reunion tend to the minimize the possibility of rejection by the found party. Initially, when I entered the search and reunion world, the mantra was that rejection is rare.

I understand that to support those searching, some may want to downplay the possibility of rejection. Acceptance is more common. However, I have encountered more rejections than I expected given how rare I was told that rejections actually occur.

While I do not want to scare anyone with the possibility of rejection; I do believe that it is best to be forwarned that it might... more

If I understanding birth mothers, I understand that when they relinquish their child to adoption the birth mother goes through a difficult time of emotional turmoil and questions. One of those questions may be “Am I still a mother?” Does my child think of me on her or her birthday? Will the relationship have a chance to grow or do birth mothers feel like an unfinished mother.

I really don’t think that the loss of a child can be explained easily. It is a journey that is more difficult than ever expected. There was a beginning but with the relinquishment of the child... more

“Coercion”. The mere mention of the word has people putting on their boxing gloves and ready for war. It is one of those words that seems to set off birth and adoptive parents alike. Since Karen, my blogging partner, is currently posting on this subject, I wanted to chime in too. I consider it to be one of the most significant current adoption practices that needs attention.

When I first heard about strong arm tactics in adoption, I believed that coercive tactics were rare and unusual exceptions, and not the norm. I really did not want to acknowledge that people... more

I would like to explain the evolution of my this blog post on judging others in adoption and provide some background. Recently I made a comment on another blog. Honestly, I do not even remember exactly what the topic was or my specific comment. I do recall how I felt about a response to my comment.

Another blogger quickly responded to my comment and reminded me that I needed to remember that we always must keep the "best interests" of our children in mind. Why would she assume that my advice on the subject was not what was best for a child? There was an implication that because I... more