The ninth stage of grief is hope. This is when every now and again you get a little glimpse of hope in one experience or another. The cloud of grief starts to break up and light comes through.

Grief can last for a few weeks to many months to years. No two people are the same and we don’t know how long grief is going to last and no two losses are identical. Some may not express their feelings and don’t seem to need to. Some struggle with the various stages within themselves and don’t want others to help them with their grief. On the other hand there are some who need... more

Guilt is the sixth state of grief and if the emotions are misunderstood you can be miserable for years or you may experience a variety of physical symptoms of distress. It is important to face the feelings of guilt and not be afraid or embarrassed to talk about our feelings.

The seventh stage is anger and resentment. This is when you may be more able to express strong feelings of anger and resentment. This is a normal but if allowed to take over can be harmful but they are normal and can be overcome. When we have something precious taken away from us we inevitably go through... more

There are 10 stages of grief and I think it is important to understand the process through which most people must go through as they face their loss. It is not an easy process and it doesn’t mean that every person goes through all of these stages nor do they go through them in this order.

The first stage is shock and this is when the loss is so overwhelming you can’t believe what has happened. Shock is a temporary escape from reality. It is good to keep busy and to continue to carry on as much of the usual activities as possible.

Emotion is the second stage and comes... more

Adoption is sometimes the right choice for a woman in a crisis pregnancy. Parenting is the right choice sometimes too. For some women, abortion may be their right choice, whether you believe in it yourself. It is presumptuous to tell a woman that her decision was right or wrong. You cannot possibly know that.

No one can know for certain, and she may or may not believe that she should have parented her child. Telling her that you believe that she made the right choice by choosing adoption may insinuate that you believe she was never meant to be a mother. It could... more

If there is one phrase certain to irritate many birth mothers more than any other, it has to be "You did the right thing." This particular comment first surfaces when a woman in a crisis pregnancy is considering adoption. Some people felt quite confident in telling a woman at that point that she is "doing the right thing". They may know almost nothing about her, and yet they are convinced adoption is the best solution for her.

Later, after a woman has made the decision to relinquish, more praise comes her way for "doing the right thing". In some people's minds,... more

Ø Refrain from laying guilt trips on a child for wanting contact with their birth family;

Ø Are gentle and loving to their children;

Ø Defend birth parents when they hear slurs, mistruths and unfair judgments about them;

Ø Believe in the concept that we are all responsible for what goes on in the life of a child;

Ø Understand that if they are not part of the solution; they are part of the problem;

Ø Do not expect an adopted child to be a blank slate to be molded into their image;

Ø Adopt a child fully... more

Ø Know that birth families matter in the lives of their children;

Ø Understand that children of adoption have some unique issues to deal with and educate themselves to learn how best to be able to help their children;

Ø Adopt children with special needs and/or older children who may be considered by others as less adoptable;

Ø Speak of their children’s birth parents as respectfully as possible, no matter what they may be like, whether they are deserving or not;

Ø Are honest and truthful, even when the truth may be harsh... more

Good mothers want what is best for their children. Many people are convinced that means growing up in a happy, traditional two parent family. Some birth mothers relinquish their children to adoption believing that will insure that happy family. They do not understand that relinquishing a child can contribute to dramatic and negative effects on adoptees. I want to point out this blog entry of Karen, my blogging partner on search and reunion in case you may have missed... more

The decision to search is another way that the natural mother can cope. I have touched on the various issues relating to search in this blog and in others. A natural mother does have a number of options to initiate the search such as using a support group, hiring an investigator or a search consultant, surfing the internet, contacting the agency or attorney office that handled the adoption, and researching for clues. As time moves on adoption issues has started to receive a large amount of media coverage. In addition to that there are a lot of books,... more

The list below is posted on a website as a collection created by adoptees of a local search and support group here in PA. The website is www.adoptionforum.org. Although there is no reference to the book Titled Twenty Things Adoptive Kids Wish Thier Adoptive Parents knew by Sherri SHerrie Eldridge, I believe the following is an excerpt from her book.

1. I suffered a profound loss before I was adopted. You are not responsible.

2. I need to be taught that I have special needs arising from adoption loss, of which I need... more