One adoption issue that I don’t think I have talked about is control. This might be when an adoptee feels as though her or she has had no control over the events in his or her life. Decisions surrounding relinquishment, choice of adoptive family, and information to be shared with the adoptee were all made by other people. The adoptee may feel helpless and frustrated that life seems to be a series of uncontrollable events. As a result the adoptee’s need to be in control of something often becomes an issue. Some typical behaviors are need for control, chemical... more

Some adoptee issues seem very unique to me. Other times being adopted may only exaccerbate problems and make them more difficult. The issues that many adoptees face as I see them are as follows:

1. Connecting with others - I do not think by any means that it is impossible for adoptees to connect with others. However, I believe that sometimes it is harder for them to do so. Many adoptees have told me this is the case. Certainly non-adoptees have similar issues, however, I think this issue is more common among adoptees. 2. Loss - Some adoptees... more

As a perspective adoptive parent, my husband and I have talked about these types of situations and feel that we have made the decision to adopt. When a child is placed with us, our child will be affected by adoption no matter how much we try to work through the various issues that may or may not arise. I think that when the time comes for these types of school projects we will view them as an opportunity to openly discuss adoption and our child’s natural parents. Our child will have to live with being adopted all of his or her life and when the... more

Surfing the net I came across this article. The title is "How to Be an Adoption Advocate." The article is written by Kathleen Mikkelson who is an attorney and an adoptive parent of two Korean born boys.

I had very mixed emotions reading this article and trying to view it from prospective adoptive parent and on the flip side as an adoptee I have been very torn. As a prospective adoptive parent the article didn’t exactly win me over... more

If you heard anything about adoption in 1969, it was strictly positive. There was no Internet, no birth mother support groups and counseling was virtually non-existent. No one really talked about it much at all. No one told me that I would forget, but it was implied that it was something you get over in time.

It was only supposed to hurt for awhile. Otherwise, you'd think that they would tell you, right? If you go to the doctor for surgery, he spells out all the risks, right? Come to think of it, no one told me anything about what to expect.

Fast... more

Adoption is different now than it was in the time period that you often hear me writing about - the baby scoop era. Many believe that coercive tactics no longer exist. However, just because some of the tactics have changed and may be more subtle does not mean that they do not exist. In addition, coercion is not the only issue that prevents a woman from making a valid choice.

When I relinquished my son to adoption, I did not spend months in a maternity home being told how noble a choice adoption was for a woman to make. Nor was I told that I "got... more

Although open adoption is supported by many there this is an understandably emotional issue. First off, when writing this I think in life in general for everyone whether adoption effects their lives or not there are a couple of things that we all need to keep in mind. The first is that the human spirit is incredibly resilient and the second is that every human being experiences some significant pain and/or dysfunction in his or her lifetime. As an example, life provides each of us some disappointment, not matter who we are.

I know... more

In a closed adoption, the identity of the child's birth mother and other family information remains confidential and is not accessible to the child. In an open adoption, this information is accessible to the child or limited information is available to the adoptee. In the most open situation of all, the child, his adoptive family, and his birth family interact more or less freely. The findings of the Minnesota/Texas Adoption Research Project (MTARP) suggest that an open adoption is a good thing for the adoptive family, the child, as well as the... more

This comment that I referred to in Part 1 made me decide to look up the word “victim” in the dictionary. I prefer to think of myself as a survivor rather than a victim. “Victim” has connotations to me of cowering in a corner, meekly accepting your fate and not speaking up.

Victim is what I had to be to allow my son's adoption; I went along with the plan. Even though, it felt horribly wrong; I let it happen. However, victim does NOT define me now. Nor does "victim" fit now for any of the feisty, courageous birth mothers that I know who dedicate... more

It is so important for triad members to forgive themselves. There is a tendency in most if not all triad members to hold ourselves more accountable than we do others. Perhaps you may be one of the individuals who can justify forgiving others but yet you find no justification for forgiving yourself for an equal or lesser offense. You may feel that forgiving yourself is not even a consideration because you think you must hold yourself in constant remembrance, and this lets you not forget. You may feel that there is a price that must be paid.

There... more