My blogging partner has covered alot in her posts on this subject! Here is Part one of four of her thoughts on coercion. Nevertheless, I will still give you my take on this issue as it is an important one. I concluded my first post on the subject of coercion by asking that you look up the definition of the word "brain-washing".

Now, I can already imagine some of you wondering if I have gone off the deep end by bringing up the term "brain-washing". When I first... more

Another concern with safe havens is that a person who shows up at a site does not have to prove their relationship to the child. Therefore, a parent, spouse or significant other could conceivably take a child from a mother and drop the baby off at a safe haven site. Safe haven sites are generally hospital emergency rooms or police or fire stations.

Women who choose this option, in my opinion, are mentally unstable and in dire need of psychiatric help. I cannot fathom that any women in her right mind would choose to drop her baby off anonymously and not provide any pertinent... more

Christian Adoption Blogger, Laura, has been posing some very interesting questions in some recent posts. Part 1 discusses Open vs. Closed Adoptions. Predictably, the comments that she receives tend to vary often along triad member lines, not always, but often.

I reacted quite strongly via a comment when she posed a question that she had been asked", "Are closed adoptions really all that bad?". I responded to her query as a birth mother to say that I do believe that... more

“Coercion”. The mere mention of the word has people putting on their boxing gloves and ready for war. It is one of those words that seems to set off birth and adoptive parents alike. Since Karen, my blogging partner, is currently posting on this subject, I wanted to chime in too. I consider it to be one of the most significant current adoption practices that needs attention.

When I first heard about strong arm tactics in adoption, I believed that coercive tactics were rare and unusual exceptions, and not the norm. I really did not want to acknowledge that people... more

I would like to explain the evolution of my this blog post on judging others in adoption and provide some background. Recently I made a comment on another blog. Honestly, I do not even remember exactly what the topic was or my specific comment. I do recall how I felt about a response to my comment.

Another blogger quickly responded to my comment and reminded me that I needed to remember that we always must keep the "best interests" of our children in mind. Why would she assume that my advice on the subject was not what was best for a child? There was an implication that because I... more

Hard not to do sometimes - to judge others, that is. Most of us try to be fair, reasonable and not lump people into categories based on one single facet of a person. However, many people do judge others based solely on one single aspect.

That factor could be skin color, race, religion or gender. In adoption, it could be based on one's position in the triad. "Birth mothers" are often all lumped into one vast category. (I am certain that adoptive moms may feel the same way.) Some adoptive parents know few birth parents. They may know only the birth parent of their child or children.... more

The adoption facilitators wanted to guarantee the surrender of your baby so your baby may have been taken immediately into foster care with no explanation and kept there with the location kept secret from you so the social worker could use “abandonment” as a basis for revoking your parental rights. You may have been told that the adoption was “final” and found out later that it wasn’t. You may have been told that your baby had died at birth and later found out this was false. You may have been told that there are no alternatives or you were led to believe that a promise... more

Additional attempts were made to distance you from your baby in order to increase the probability that you would surrender. The adoption facilitators wanted to ensure that surrender of your baby was seen by you as “inevitable”.

Your baby may have been taken from you at birth or by medical professionals or even the prospective adoptive parents and your access to your baby in the hospital was restricted by the doctors and nursing staff. You may have been placed in a ward that was not a maternity ward for recovery which was a distance from your baby. Your baby may... more

Another form of coercions was to convince the birth mother that they had an emotional obligation to surrender their baby.

Adoption professionals may have told you to think only of the joy that you would give to a couple who could not have children of their own or if you changed your mind you will be disappointing a wonderful mother who has been waiting for her first baby.

You may have been told that you could not keep your baby because your baby has been promised to someone already and you were encouraged to have the adopters pay your medical or living expenses... more

One topic that I thought that we should touch on is birth mothers who were coerced. Where you coerced?

Below is a list of some common practices used in the adoption community on birth mothers that I have learned of through my many years of being involved in the adoption community. I believe that some of these tactics go back as far as the 1950’s. These tactics may have been used by clergy, social workers, nurses, nuns, doctors, attorneys, agency, or a baby broker.

Birth mothers were convinced that adoption was the only option. They tried to convince the... more