You know my response to the social worker if you have been reading much of my blog. Had I responded differently, I wouldn’t be here blogging about search and reunion. I wouldn’t be one of the staunchest advocates for search and reunion on the face of the planet.

Most importantly though, I would not know the joys of having a relationship with my oldest son. If I had said, “No” to Sara, the social worker, I would still be deeply wedged into that safe, but uncomfortable, birth mother closet of denial.

Had I said, “No”, I would not know my... more

There was an abrupt shift in my feelings after the revelation that I still loved my son hit me. It was safe to love him now I thought. Therefore, I finally allowed myself the luxury of loving him, and came out of the denial I had used as a crutch for so many years.

I suddenly was thrilled at the thought of talking to my son, and maybe even having the chance to meet him. I had never imagined that it would be possible to find him, and now, I leapt at the chance to be in touch with him.

The fear no longer controlled me, I knew I had to... more

“My son is searching for me?”, I did not say that out loud, but, as my brain was racing and trying to process what I had just heard, that is what I was thinking. “Is it really possible?” was my next thought.

Certainly, I knew that adoption reunions happened these days once in a while. However, I still believed that they were extremely rare. I actually did not think about it much as I was so deeply dedicated to protecting my secret. Thinking about my relinquished son was something I avoided as much as I could.

When I thought of his adoption,... more

The son I raised saw me several times shortly after reunion, and I was definitely not myself. I tried to put up a "brave front", but, I do not hide my feelings well. Tears were often staining my cheeks. I was sad, quiet and reflective - on a good day. On a bad day, I was either a zombie or worse. Therefore, his initial thoughts about reunion were negative. Unfortunately, he has not shifted from that view.

He did not understand what many people do not comprehend about reunion. Reunion itself is not chiefly responsible for the anguish that many people... more

Triad members generally have some concept of the potency of adoption reunions. Although even some triad members are perplexed by the behavior of birth parents and adoptees during reunion. The experience is a complex and intricate one.

I recently reflected on whether those around me might consider reunion a positive or negative experience. Part of my musings on this topic came after a discussion with my boss about how much I changed at work during reunion. From an employer's point of view, I know that he probably has some serious doubts as to... more

The past few days I have been surging the net and browsing through the forums on line such as the one at www.adoption.com. I have been reading what triad members are writing about and struggling with.

I have always been drawn to natural mothers because it gives me a real opportunity to hear them speak or write about their experiences. For years I would listen to the many natural mothers that I have encountered and try to shed light on my own natural mothers experience and what struggles she must have... more

Here is a another nice reunion story. The adoptee in this story is a minister who discovered that his birth mother was deceased, however, he found siblings and other relatives.

John pauses now and then as he tells his story, his emotions overflowing.

"As far as the discovery of my birth family," he says, "it's been an incredible healing for both sides. These aunts never violated their sisters' wishes. This has enabled them, and there are no secrets to keep anymore."

This... more

Recently, my older son called, and as usual our conversation was peppered with warmth, ease and just plain fun. He has the same easy sense of humor that both his birth dad and I have. When we talk, he often has me giggling at some outrageously funny comment that he has made.

During our recent conversation, we discussed privacy issues for birth parents. I had related the story to him about my recent small part in facilitating a reunion. I made an initial call to a man that we thought might be my friend's birth dad and that brought up the privacy issue. As we discussed the subject,... more

I recently wrote several posts about the new reunion of D. and her "alleged" birth dad. Opps, did I forget to mention that they were not certain yet of their connection? Here's part 1. Below is a brief recap.

Their first meeting lasted 11 hours in which they felt very comfortable and happy to be together, At the end of that first meeting, D’s alleged birth dad pressed his Silver Star for his bravery in Viet Nam into her hand. He told her that being brave enough to contact him was... more

At first blush, reunion and open adoption may appear to have little in common. However, I tend to believe that both present similar issues for birth parents. For instance,in an open adoption, if there is consistent contact, I would guess that the loss issue may seem ever present. I am not saying that the loss is with you constantly, but, if there is consistent contact, I would imagine that the loss issue pops up on a fairly regular basis. In reunion, where there is consistent contact, I believe again that the issue is often in the forefront of one’s... more