If I understanding birth mothers, I understand that when they relinquish their child to adoption the birth mother goes through a difficult time of emotional turmoil and questions. One of those questions may be “Am I still a mother?” Does my child think of me on her or her birthday? Will the relationship have a chance to grow or do birth mothers feel like an unfinished mother.

I really don’t think that the loss of a child can be explained easily. It is a journey that is more difficult than ever expected. There was a beginning but with the relinquishment of the child... more

Expectations, we all have them. In fact I think expectations are so natural that it is almost like breathing. However, what does it mean when someone who is searching says that they don't have any expectations? Is it that they don't have any positive expectations? Or are they trying to block out everything in thier mind? If we say that we don't have any expectations are we really saying that we expect nothing?

Expectations fill our days sometimes consciously and sometimes not. Many of our expectations are like driving to work after you have done it for years. ... more

The adoption facilitators wanted to guarantee the surrender of your baby so your baby may have been taken immediately into foster care with no explanation and kept there with the location kept secret from you so the social worker could use “abandonment” as a basis for revoking your parental rights. You may have been told that the adoption was “final” and found out later that it wasn’t. You may have been told that your baby had died at birth and later found out this was false. You may have been told that there are no alternatives or you were led to believe that a promise... more

Additional attempts were made to distance you from your baby in order to increase the probability that you would surrender. The adoption facilitators wanted to ensure that surrender of your baby was seen by you as “inevitable”.

Your baby may have been taken from you at birth or by medical professionals or even the prospective adoptive parents and your access to your baby in the hospital was restricted by the doctors and nursing staff. You may have been placed in a ward that was not a maternity ward for recovery which was a distance from your baby. Your baby may... more

Another form of coercions was to convince the birth mother that they had an emotional obligation to surrender their baby.

Adoption professionals may have told you to think only of the joy that you would give to a couple who could not have children of their own or if you changed your mind you will be disappointing a wonderful mother who has been waiting for her first baby.

You may have been told that you could not keep your baby because your baby has been promised to someone already and you were encouraged to have the adopters pay your medical or living expenses... more

One topic that I thought that we should touch on is birth mothers who were coerced. Where you coerced?

Below is a list of some common practices used in the adoption community on birth mothers that I have learned of through my many years of being involved in the adoption community. I believe that some of these tactics go back as far as the 1950’s. These tactics may have been used by clergy, social workers, nurses, nuns, doctors, attorneys, agency, or a baby broker.

Birth mothers were convinced that adoption was the only option. They tried to convince the... more

The Social Security Death Index is a several million name database that comes from the Death Masters List of the Social Security Administration System. For a person to be listed on the Social Security Death Index the individual would had to have received benefits while alive. The second part of the criteria is that if the deceased did not file for benefits, his or her survivors had to have requested and received benefits. Third, the Social Security Administration had to have filed this information electronically so that it could be available for input into the appropriate... more

Is everyone "entitled" to search? Who “should” search? Is this a clear-cut issue? Do only adoptees have the "right"? Alternatively, should no one search? All of the people listed below may initiate an adoption search:

 Adoptees;  Birth Parents;  Adoptive Parents;  Siblings; or  Grandparents, aunts, uncles, or other family members;

There are many opinions as to who is entitled to search. Angela, Ukrainian Blogger,(Angela's Blog)... more

One day in June 2005, an adoptee received an unexpected phone call that changed her life forever. Her birth mother had been visiting adoption.com about another topic, and saw a link for adoption search. She decided to search the reunion registry database and came up with the name of a young woman whose information matched her query. She then searched the Internet for the woman’s name and found the MA Adoption Reunion Registry.

The adoptee was born in Natick in 1982 to a woman who was 17 years old. She chose to relinquish her child to... more

There are some counties within the states that allow a person into a room where files are kept. This is becoming less common since records are being stored behind counters with no entry allowed. However, in most counties someone can request a file and a clerk will look it up. Do not mention adoption. If you do, you will not get a file.

Records that are stored locally at the County Courthouse are adoption records. Case workers reports are normally filed under the case number and/or the date of birth. Relinquishments are usually filed under a file number... more