Some people have suggested that everyone should lay off Madonna and stop picking on her. I guess I do not necessarily see discussing her adoption as “picking on her”. Besides, there are so many possible breaches of adoption practices involved in regards to her adoption, I think it would be irresponsible to ignore them, and pretend that they do not matter.

Although I really do not care to personally pick on Madonna, the furor surrounding her impending adoption raises so many questions. I wonder why with so many true orphans in Africa, Madonna... more

1)If you choose to make your first contact by mail, be very discreet and delicate about what you say in your letter. Sometimes an adoptee has not been told that they are adopted, and sometimes a birth mother may not have told anyone about the adoption. It is best to let the found party control who they tell and when. You should indicate on the envelope that your letter is "personal and confidential".

2) When the initial contact is by telephone, inquire as to whether the person is free to talk at the moment. If they sound hesitant or say “no”, either leave your... more

Although I believe that I may have already shared N's Blog with you, I particularly liked this entry of hers, so decided to share it. In this blog entry of hers she says:

I’ve written before that I wish that talking about the ethics (or room for lack of ethics) in adoption didn’t automatically feel like an indictment, to adoptive parents. It doesn’t for all, I know. But many times, the minute I say, “Things need to change. There’s too much pressure in... more

Lately I have noticed some increased awareness of how fortunate that I am in many respects. Adoption intensifies your awareness of much that non-triad members take for granted. My granddaughter often seems to make me reflect on how fortunate I am.

As I watch her smiling face and enjoy seeing her romp and play, I sometimes reflect that not all grandmothers have this chance to watch their granddaughters grow up. I have blogged as well about the fact that my crisis pregnancy with my daughter could have turned out differently as well.

Just as some... more

A recent email was a first for me. I received an email from a women who is considering adopting a child. She told me that she had read several birth mom blogs and is now reconsidering her decision. The very fact that she is thinking her decision through carefully says alot to me about her character.

She asked for my honest opinion about whether adopting a child would be selfish on her part,and possibly cause pain to another woman. (Sandra, are you reading and gasping by now? Maybe less than you would have before we began our bridge work?)

In... more

When I was still living in the la-la land of the uninformed and unenlightened about adoption, I figured that if an adoptee searched, it would probably be soon after they turned 18-21 years old. Actually, I did not even realize that many adoptees or birth parents searched at all. Now that I am more educated about the subject, I understand that the majority of searchers are not 18-21 years of age. Few adoptees search at that age. Not too many young people are ready to search at that age, although many adoptees at that age are eager... more

So many important issues to deal with in adoption, and yet the subject of what words to use keeps cropping up. You would think that we had already beaten the subject to pieces by now. However, as I have mentioned before, I believe that words have enormous power. Therefore, I think it is important in adoption to choose our words carefully. I believe that it matters.

Granted, there are times when people are too sensitive. I also believe that we will never be able to please everyone. There are also times that it seems burdensome to have to worry... more

In nearly all States, adoption records are sealed and withheld from public inspection after the adoption is finalized. Most States have instituted procedures by which parties to an adoption may obtain non identifying and identifying information from an adoption record while still protecting the interests of all parties.

Non identifying information is generally limited to descriptive details about an adopted person and the adopted person’s birth relatives and is provided to the adopting parents at the time of the adoption. Non identifying... more

It is my understanding that most maternity homes that existed in the closed adoption era did not instruct about pregnancy, labor, delivery, and were left totally alone during labor and delivery and were not allowed contact with the new mothers, were not provided information about welfare and aid to families with dependent children, child support and other government programs if they existed at the time.

Girls forced to live in maternity homes were in some cases made to use ficticious names or first names and last initials only. They... more

In the support group that I facilitate for adoption triad members I have an adoptee searching. She provided us with her date of birth and after reviewing the database of members searching I realized that there is a natural mother registered searching for her daughter with the same month and day of birth. The year is one year off and we are in the process of trying to confirm the year that the natural mother gave birth.

If this is the case that you are experiencing as a natural mother and are feeling as if you want to remember, I suggest contacting... more