Take a look at the little boy in this photo. Try to imagine that this cute little tyke was yours. Would you want to know him even if someone else had raised him?

I know many birth moms who have searched for their children. They were determined to locate their children, and felt strongly that they had every right to do so. However, I know even more birth moms who did not search. They felt as though they had no right to do so and were afraid to search.

Many adoptees express the sentiment that if their birth family wanted to know them, they would find... more

Ever wonder where you got those beautiful eyes of yours? Most people know and they take it for granted that they would. Adoptees in closed adoptions rarely know and they do wonder.

Ask five adoptees why they are searching and you may receive five different responses. The need to search is sometimes difficult to put into words. Not all adopted persons really know exactly why they are searching. For many, it feels like an almost instinctual need. Some adoptees go for many years certain that they will never want to search, and then something changes, and suddenly they have a... more

One factor in making the decision to search is the perception of how the adoptive parents might react. Many are afraid that the adoptive parents may feel that searching would hurt the adoptive parents. Even if the adoptive parents are willing to talk about it and answer the adoptees questions the best they could it may still be difficult to share with your adoptive parents that you are going to search. The fear of the reaction that they are your family and why would need to go any where else can be frightening.

It is important to explain and emphasize that the adoptee does not want to replace the family and that they are loved. You may experience feelings of quilt and worry about... more

The attitudes of those who don’t search is sometimes said to be a lack of curiosity. Those who decide to not search often say that they simply don’t think about searching and don’t need to. Some of these adoptees search later in life but what I have noticed is that the remain non committal or ambivalent about the prospect. Some are even very critical of those who do search. Since in my last blog, I wrote about the theories about the reasons for searching, I thought it would be nice to address the therioes about those who do not search. I believe that the sense of righteousness and loyalty play a part in the decision to not search. The adoptee may feel as if they don’t have the right... more

I think that one of the things that need to be addressed is the decision to search. Studies are being done every year and it is an ever changing world. Yesterday’s data does not necessarily apply to today but the common characteristic in data is that the patterns are the same and some general conclusions can be made.

One of the most common questions that I have encountered in the past 17 years in the adoption community is from those who are NOT adopted. They typically want to know “How Many Search”.

The answer to this question isn’t really straight forward and greatly depends on what is meant by “search”. There are so many factors that influence the search it self. Some... more

"If you wait to do everything until you are sure it is right, you will probably never do much of anything."

Win Borden

1. Have I done my homework before searching? Have I met others who have reunited and searched? Read about search and reunion? Have some idea about what to expect? Done some Internet research?

2. Do I have a core support group of triad members and/or friends and family that will support and nurture me during my search?

3. What expectations do I have for my search? What do I want to accomplish? Information? A relationship? Healing? Do I expect reunion to "solve all my problems"?

4. Am I emotionally as prepared as possible for any outcome?... more

Drum Roll Please....It is a life-altering decision - the decision to initiate a search!

Now that you have decided to begin your search, I would like to offer some words of encouragement in case you are feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the possible ways to search. If you peruse some of the myriad of on-line search guides, embarking on an adoption search may seem quite a daunting task. (See an upcoming blog for a list of links to the sites that I feel have the most useful search guides.) The whole process can seem quite daunting in the beginning as there are so many different ways to go about searching. As the optimistic “Mary Sunshine” sort that I am, I will say this. Though it... more