Some people believe that all adoptees who search are weak, unhappy or possess other equally negative attitudes and qualities. Certainly, this could be the case for some searchers. There are some adoptees who search that long for their birth families due to a lack of connection or dissatisfaction with their adoptive families.

Other adoptees who grew up in abusive, dysfunctional families might be tempted to look for another family who might love them and treat them better. They might have fantasy ideas about their birth family.

I believe that some adoptees might... more

Some adoptive parents may discuss once and never bring the subject up again. This can leave the adoptee feeling or with the impression that it is too painful, frightening or threatening to the adoptive parents to deal with the possibility of the adoptee finding their natural parents. This can further stimulate guilt around having the need to find the woman who gave you life.

Some adoptees wait until their search is complete to discuss with their search with their adoptive parents. Another suggestion in opening the discussion is to share a letter which... more

There are some adoptees who are not comfortable or haven’t discussed their search or their relationship with their natural mother with their adoptive parents.

The feelings of search can be “full time” with no stopping and starting. Some adoptees may feel guilty and don’t want to hurt their adoptive parents but the guilt from waiting to tell the adoptive parents can be greater. The need for your adoptive parents support and the need to know how the adoptive parents feel can be very strong for the adoptee.

One way to open the discussion is to write... more

Someone asking you a simple question such as “haven’t you ever wondered what your natural mother looks life?” could spark something within yourself to bring your natural mother into a clearer focus.

Sometimes when an adoptee unexpectedly learns of his natural parents names is the first day that the possibility of meeting him or her existed in their minds. No matter what the case, it is important to be ready emotionally to handle finding your natural mother. Some may not be ready until the make the decision to have a child and be afraid of what is in your natural... more

When I was searching I am not even sure what conflicts I had. When I think about my search I didn’t have the tug of war emotions with my heart that so many adoptees have told me that they have felt. I always felt as if I really had to meet my natural mother and siblings to see why I look and act the way I do. I recall feeling the reject that could very well occur at the end of a search. I think that there are many natural mothers that have the same concerns and I recall just wanting to tell my natural mother that I am fine, that my adoptive family has been very good... more

Do you remember what you picture in your high year book look liked? Were you the class clown, most likely to succeed, or most athletic? Do you remember what the club or sports team photo in your high school year book looked like? Some people may be wondering what adoption search has to do with high school year books. Well, there are many who are searching who will use year books for assistance.

Yearbooks can be very useful especially if you have a partial name or just a first name. Many public libraries have a collection of high school year books for the... more

Part one, and Part 2 discuss some of the varied opinions about who has a "right" to search. Now I will answer that question from my perspective.

I did not search myself for many of the usual reasons. Birth Mothers Who Do Not Search explains many of those reasons.

Prior to... more

In part one, I discussed what many people think about adoptees and birth parents searching. Let's talk now about others searching.

Adoptive Parents

Many adoptees might be pleased that their adoptive parents want to search for them. I would imagine that would vary depending on their ages. Other adoptees feel that a search is up to them at any age and might not appreciate any efforts that adoptive parents might make as far as searching on their... more

Ultimately, the choice to search, and the avenue you choose to search, is an individual decision. The choice is yours and it belongs to you. When you are in the decision making phase, I think it is very important to consider motivations, objectives, time frames, resources, and boundaries prior to beginning a physical search process whether it be domestically or internationally. Think about how search may change your present relationships. Try not to base your decision on the thoughts and feelings of others but rather know with clarity that the desire to search or not is truly... more

I think that society has assumed that an adoptee who is healthy and well adjusted would have no desire to search for his or her birth or family history. There was a time in society that the adoptees who wanted to search and learn the truth were ungrateful and disturbed.

As time has progressed, and more is learned, society is realizing and changing. It is now seen to be normal and healthy for an adoptee to want to know more about their biological family, birth history, medical information, and genetic background. I really feel that once I had this information, although... more