What are other negative aspects of a search? Personally, I hate to hear when people forego a search due to worries of hurting either birth or adoptive parents. For birth parents, reunions can sometimes be very positive and help them heal. Most adoptive parents want what is best for their children, and sometimes that is an adoption search and reunion. Adoptive parents are less hurt if they understand the reasons and dynamics of search and reunion.

Until you search and locate your child or birth parent, you cannot know whether the timing is... more

Like “location, location, location” in real estate, timing is crucial in adoption search and reunion. Although you may choose to search when the timing is optimal for you, there is no way of knowing whether the timing is right for the person that you are searching for. You cannot know, so you take a leap of faith and hope for the best.

Since you do not know about the other party, you need to figure out when the timing is right for you and hope that your birth family member is ready as well. Although it helps to prepare yourself before... more

Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am a strong proponent of adoption search and reunions. When people discuss beginning a search with me, I try to provide as much information about the possibilities as I can. I cannot tell someone if a search is right for them or not, but I can give them a great deal of food for thought so they can decide for themselves.

Only rarely do I question someone's motivation for a search. However, the truth is there are a few situations in which a search may not be wise. Expecting that a search will magically transform your... more

Last night, my husband and I had a conversation where I shared a fear that I have with him. His response was that fears are based on assumptions and used the analogy of your in the woods and fear a lion….you assume the lion is going to attack so that is why you are afraid. I had no response and have been mulling over this thought process ever since.

I think what he was trying to say is that I had to figure out is determine what my fear is based on. You can’t beat what isn’t real and you can’t overcome what is real if you won’t admit... more

7. Are you ready to meet possible extended family and integrate new members as your family? – When you meet your natural family, you are taking on more, not less. You open yourself up to a family that you may not remember and yet is yours by birth. You must decided how much of your life you ant to share with them. The day I learned my natural mother was deceased I also learned that I had a sister that I had never known about before in addition to uncles, aunts, and cousins. I never had thought about meeting these folks but they all wanted to... more

4. Are you ready to confront your adoption? When you meet your natural family you non longer can pretend that you were not adopted. Some don’t search or meet their natural parents because they are afraid of how their adoptive parents will feel. When I told my parents that I was going to search for my natural family I was afraid that the only parents I knew might feel that I did not love them. I didn’t want my adoption search and hopeful reunion to negate the years of nurture given to me by my mom and dad. Then, one day about a year into my... more

The adoption journey for the adoptee does not end the day they are placed in the arms of their adoptive parents. It is actually the beginning of a lifelong journey of self discovery and the beginning of the adoption journey. Our experiences have not always been clear nor have they been simple.

The decision to search for natural parents is a personal decision as well as the route you want to take in conducting your search. This blog, the internet mailing lists, the forums at www.adoption.com, search and support... more

It has been my experience that the support of my adoptive parents actually made the relationship between myself and my adoptive parents closer. In the beginning my parents were worried I would find my natural mother and love her more than I loved them. I searched for 2 years before finding my natural mother and sister. I explained to my parents that I Had been happy but I had to know who my natural mother was. I explained how I looked in the mirror and yearned fo someone to look like me, or maybe walked like me. They understood, supported my search... more

I think that society has realized for the most part that it is normal and healthy for an adoptee to know more about their genetic history. I truly believe that adoptees perceive themselves differently when they have some information about their birth family’s background. An example is that if the adoptee knows something about their natural mothers education or special talents they have a greater self esteem and a better idea of who they are.

An adoptee thinking about search may be strongly with not opening Pandora’s box because they may be devastated... more

Adoptive parents whose children search for their birth parents often interpret the search as a threat to the parent-child relationship. Most adoptees who search say they love their adoptive parents and do not seek to replace them. They seek, rather, to regain a part of themselves that they feel is "missing," even if what is missing is information rather than a relationship.

During my years of involvement in the adoption community with adoptees in search I have learned that many (I estimate half) never told their adoptive parents that they were searching. They were afraid that... more