Although I believe that I may have already shared N's Blog with you, I particularly liked this entry of hers, so decided to share it. In this blog entry of hers she says:

I’ve written before that I wish that talking about the ethics (or room for lack of ethics) in adoption didn’t automatically feel like an indictment, to adoptive parents. It doesn’t for all, I know. But many times, the minute I say, “Things need to change. There’s too much pressure in... more

In the continuing series to share some of the blogs that I read most frequently,I wanted to highlight this adoptee's blog. The writer is a friend who wants very much to find his birth family. I want that for him too and want to help him make contact with them if possible.

Although I have discussed why adoptees search on this blog, Wraith just wrote a blog on the subject that says it well. Here are his personal thoughts on why he is searching. Why Search? Wraith was born in Florida in August... more

Being angry does not come naturally to me. It is in my nature to be laid back, easy doing and not let things bother me. In fact, I am best known for my smile and cheery disposition. However, I just keep hearing more adoption horror stories that make my blood boil. If I just heard an occasional one, I would believe that they were uncommon. That is not the case.

One of the latest: An adoptee recently was relating her story about having found her birth mother. She spoke to her two weeks ago and had a quite cordial conversation with her. What's wrong... more

Marriage records are open to the public, as well as divorce records. If you know either of your natural parent’s names you can go to the Marriage License office in the local court house and a clerk will assist you in checking for a marriage license. You need only the first and last name of the person you are searching for since most localities are indexed by both parties’ names who are applying for the license. Ask for a 10 year search of records after your birth. If you can't find records for your natural parents, check for possible relatives.... more

When I was still living in the la-la land of the uninformed and unenlightened about adoption, I figured that if an adoptee searched, it would probably be soon after they turned 18-21 years old. Actually, I did not even realize that many adoptees or birth parents searched at all. Now that I am more educated about the subject, I understand that the majority of searchers are not 18-21 years of age. Few adoptees search at that age. Not too many young people are ready to search at that age, although many adoptees at that age are eager... more

Powerlessness and control

For many adoptees, it is easy to fall into despair and feel powerless over circumstances that emotionally healthy people can overcome with relative ease. This is rooted in our separation experience, when we felt powerless, helpless and hopeless. Paradoxically, we can become obsessed with controlling other parts of our lives, those things and events that we can control. This is conflict waiting to happen.

Depression

Often, depression can come from the sheer exhaustion of maintaining pretense... more

Identity

Issues of the adoptee are barely acknowledged by society and then only in those who are of a different race than the adoptive family - as if physical differences are the only ones that matter. But there are reasons why we see repetitive generations of lawyers, healers, scholars, actors, artists, etc. in natural families. It is not just a matter of continuing a family business or tribal tradition. It is a matter of like characteristics being perpetuated, generation after generation, being nurtured by genetic mirroring.

Even... more

It is difficult, emotionally, to imagine a tiny baby's very real feelings about the loss of his or her mother -- the terror of losing all that is familiar, all that is comfort - the unique heartbeat, scent, taste, voice, rhythms and vibrations. Babies are born needing and expecting these familiar things which only their natural mothers can provide.

Even with this knowledge which has accumulated over the past 20 years, there remain those in our society who sever the mother/child entity as casually as they would cut a common angleworm... more

On with the debate... Part 1 is here. Maybe we should get an equal number of birth moms, adoptive moms and adoptees in a room together and duke it out – like Sandra and I did recently on-line.

Do you think then that we could come up with a consensus on the best words to use in adoption? What would it take for that to happen? Think it would work? Would there be enough agreement on any words, or would it be an impossible feat? What if the majority ruled? ... more

By Julie Rist

I am not the happy and grateful adoptee that you want me to be. Don't get me wrong. I was happy and grateful for almost 45 years - or so I believed. Had you asked me then how I felt about being adopted, you might have heard something like, "Great! I am so grateful to my (adoptive) parents for all they did and, no, I am not interested in finding my 'real' family. My adoptive family is my 'real' family, thank you very much, and they are a wonderful family. I've had a wonderful life. Of course, I am grateful to my... more