I’m glad to have seen that begin to change. I hope we will see it change more, and rapidly. I hope I will see a time when the law allows and agencies agree to simply release the information contained in my files to me without interpretation, censorship or qualification. Search is necessitated by the present system of closed records that allows someone else, usually perfect strangers, access to files that contain intimate details of my origins that are hidden from me. It is a ridiculous system and an unintended consequence of actions taken with... more

Triad members are often asked to explain to lawmakers and others exactly what they want. An adult adoptee pal of mine was asked to speak at a continuing education program for social workers about the adoptee's point of view. Here is one adoptee's answer to that age-old question.

In a perfect world, much of what I am about to say would be moot. The primary thing wrong with search, from my perspective as an adoptee, is the lack of openness. Fortunately, I can say that the lack of honesty that characterized how most agencies handled search... more

Yes, Sarah, what you said about "something missing" is completely normal……

I'm doing this by myself; I don't want my adoptive parents involved at all. We haven't always had the best relationship and things are going well right now, and I don't want to mess anything up. I've waited to turn 18 all of my life so I could do this. There is something that has been missing from me always, and I need it to be fulfilled - does that make any sense?

The first line above is how I will begin my response to Sarah. I want... more

This photo doesn't look anything like what I figured Pandora's Box might look like, but that's what it was entitled, so I will trust the photographer. "Pandora's Box" - even as educated as many have become about adoption reunions, we still have a long far to go in educating people about adoption search and reunions.

Adoptees still receive the "Pandora's Box" reference when they mention that they are considering a search. "Why would you want to open all that up?" people ask them. I know that I was as guilty as anyone taking alot for granted. To know... more

Does the word “bullies” come to mind after hearing this story? Who is right and who is wrong is subjective in this situation. Yet one side seems hell-bent on trying to tell everyone else what they should do. I personally find that the most offensive part of the whole situation, that THEY seem so certain that their view is sacred and everyone else is wrong and should do as they tell us to do.

I attribute the loss of my son to adoption partially due to a bully. Needless to say, I do not much care for bullies, in fact I really have no... more

The whole adoption world is still fairly new to me even though my son's adoption happened decades ago. My active involvement is only a few years old. However, I've been hanging around long enough to have noticed that even in adoption, there are some big bad bullies. Battle lines are drawn and inevitable skirmishes break out.

Controlling bullies are totally convinced that whatever positions they take are not just opinions, but fact. Their "take" on a given situation is correct, and any other view is "wrong". Therefore, when someone... more

Immediately, I was hooked and continued to read. Although that was the only real mention of adoption, I found the whole article quite interesting. The article mentioned that as early as 1913 Sigmund Freud observed that unburdening yourself of a secret might help your physical, as well as your mental state.

Interesting enough, several birth mothers have told me that their health improved dramatically after reunion. Author, adoptee and therapist Marlou Russell discusses in her reunion story called... more

When a search is completed in some instances there is a person who is caught by surprise. Several triad members have said to me when they first contact me said that they have no expectations and these same people have later said to me that they didn’t know what they expected to find but it wasn’t what I did find.

For all triad members in the closed adoption era there has been years of wondering about the other person, their situation and their life. The hole or void is filled with an image full of hope, fear, and what feels... more

Keeping a secret is tough enough. But after doing so for many years, older Americans may find it even tougher to let go...

A year or so ago, I signed up to receive email newsletters from AARP (American Association of Retired People). While I am not yet retired, I am old enough for them to know that retirement may not be too far off for me. Anyone over the age of fifty knows that the second you turn 50 years old, the AARP has your invitation in the mail to join. They start working on you, and don't give up easily either.... more

For some, when there adoption search is completed, they find rejection. Rejection can feel like a knife in the heart. It can feel like the end of a dream or that the rug has been pulled out from under you or that it was all for nothing. It is important to remember that much good has come from the experience and that you have found the truth.

When someone is faced with rejection, I think it is human nature to react. The person being rejected may give away their own power, or buy into the perceptions of other people and their ability... more