You may feel that your life and your search are like a large puzzle. We are all born into this world with a certain set of circumstances that are considered our heritage. How are your values formed? What shapes those values? Whether you know your ancestors, your cultural history, your origin, or the obstacles faced by your natural parents, these things are what help to shape your values.

Have you started to search? Does your family history or thinking about your history empower you to look at your life in a way to try and understand that you you need to... more

There are so many trite comments one could make about what to expect in an adoption reunion - "Expect the unexpected," is one that I particularly believe is appropriate. Reunions are as varied as the two parties involved in them.

Each party comes to reunion with their own personality, issues and expectations. Rarely are both parties on exactly the same page. In fact, in the beginning of reunion, it is often quite difficult to figure out exactly how the other party does see the relationship.

Many complex elements are involved in an adoption... more

1. Legal notice of adoption – These were often printed in legal journals that can be viewed at a legal library. Some courthouse have a law library that you may be able to access. 2. Relinquishment Papers – These are only available to natural parents. Adoptees will not be able to obtain them from the agency. However, if you are a natural parent, ask for them. It is a document that is yours and should be provided to you. 3. Telephone Books 4. City Directories 5. Marriage Records – These are filed in most states on a county level and filed... more

During your adoption search there are certain documents that will provide you with information pertinent to your search. Some you will be able to easily obtain through the appropriate state agency for a fee. There will be other documents you can check for additional information aid you in your search. Believe it or not one of the hardest part about searching is the waiting game. You can request information. That is the easy part. The hard part comes in when you are playing the waiting game. Each request you make is going to take time and... more

This survey is called "What Adult Adopted People Want the World to Know."

Responses will be compiled and conveyed to the attendees at Center For Family Connections' (CFFC) 3rd annual ACTION international conference on post adoption services February 19-21st at the Hotel Marlowe, Cambridge, MA.

For more information, here are details about the conference.

The Center for Family Connections is run... more

Ever spoken to an adoptee who is searching? You might be surprised at how some people treat them. Although some social workers or clerks are very sympathetic and helpful, many people who have access to adoption records are are not known for being particularly kind.

Some of the remarks that I have heard that adoptees receive are extremely sad. Several adoptees have told me that when they went to the adoption agency that handled their adoption they were told to come back later - when they were older. A few adoptees have told me that they went back... more

Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am a strong proponent of adoption search and reunions. When people discuss beginning a search with me, I try to provide as much information about the possibilities as I can. I cannot tell someone if a search is right for them or not, but I can give them a great deal of food for thought so they can decide for themselves.

Only rarely do I question someone's motivation for a search. However, the truth is there are a few situations in which a search may not be wise. Expecting that a search will magically transform your... more

It is funny how defensive some adoptive parents can be. I have a cousin whose daughter is adopted. This young adult (mid-late 20’s) is struggling in life. She has a lot of pain which is obvious. I have tried to talk to her adoptive parents about it several years ago and attempted to steer the discussion on the adoption side of things. I thought that I would try and explain the “primal wound” and that immediately turned the conversation off. She was adamant that her daughter didn’t have a problem with adoption and she was just having a difficult... more

In this blog, my blogging partner and I talk about many ways to search. With a few exceptions, most states have provisions to provide non-identifying information to searchers. Many states also have registries and confidential intermediary systems, and a few other resources.

Sometimes I wonder if people ever read about all the ways to search and find birth family members and think the system that we have now is sufficient. Just in case, I would like to clarify that point.

First, each state varies a great deal as to what records are accessible.... more

In my opinion, the term "passive search" is somewhat of a misnomer. A passive search really does not involved any searching. All that a passive search accomplishes is to make it easier if someone comes searching for you.

Some triad members separated by adoption may not feel comfortable searching. Instead they would rather make it easier for their birth family member to locate them. It is a great theory, but often both parties wait for the other party to initiate a search.

A passive search involves mainly leaving a paper or electronic trail... more