Grab your tissues, this letter from Baby Boy #3331 to his birth mother may bring on the tears. Some reunion stories appeal more to birth parents, however, this story has aspects that I believe will touch adoptive parents as well. There are several extremely touching and heartbreaking parts to this story. For starters, the original adoption agreement states that if the adopting wish decide that they do not want "to make this child legally our own, baby boy #3331 may be returned."... more

Recently someone asked me a few questions about being contacted by an intermediary on behalf of someone they were separated from through adoptions a few decades ago.

This initial contact left this person with lump in her stomach and she felt as if her world was turned upside down She also had a sense of relief and excitement. She had a variety of feelings surface from elation to sadness, joy to anger, along with a high level o f anxiety and an overwhelming need to have immediate contact.

In general it is safe to say that... more

If you are an adoptee and have decided that you don’t want contact with your natural family I want to give you a few things to ponder.

Under what circumstances would you want to be contacted? Would you want your natural family to contact you if there is important medical information you should know about? Would you want to be contacted if you have been named as a beneficiary in a natural relative will? Would you want to be contacted if there is a particular person you would like to hear from or have news from?

If you chose to not... more

Some adoptive parents are heard to say, "What about me?" at reunion. Reunion is not about adoptive parents. It is not for their benefit, nor are they the main characters in a reunion. During a reunion, they play a minor role. I believe that it is crucial for adoptive parents to understand and accept that reunion is not a time for them to be center of attention. Most adoptive parents understand this. Want to give your child a priceless gift at reunion? Unless asked to participate, stand back and let the reunion develop between your child and their... more

Step 9 assumes that you have a name and are now beginning to actively search for that person.

Recently I wrote a blog about Grannie Annie who is asking that people post her photo and adoption details as widely as possible. She has been searching for many years with little success.

The next time you read a reunion story, take note of how long the parties reuniting have searched for each other. Searches take minutes... more

Step 8 is to look at all the information that you have and try to connect the dots.

Take a critical look at all the information that you have and try to reach some conclusions from what you have. If you are unable to make any sense of what you have, try a search angel, a professional searcher or private detective.

Let's summarize at this point, here are the steps discussed in 1-8:

Step 1 - Prepare yourself... more

The first blog on this subject is at http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/indian-child-welfare-act-1 which was posted February 22, 2006.

The section referenced in the previous blog essentially directs the State to give adult adoptees of Native American heritage who request it, their birth information, so that they may enroll in their tribes. The section does allow for birthparents to file a veto, but even then the adoptee is entitled to tribal notification... more

Is there a definitive response as to how long to continue searching? Actually there is an extremely simple one. No one but you knows how important your search is. The simple response as to how long you should search? As long as you feel that you want or need to do so. A search is more significant for some people than others. However, most searchers that I have met are very intent on a successful result. You may decide that you need a break from searching or wish to give up entirely. The decision is yours to make, and no one else... more

Step 7 is to petition the court to gain access to your adoption records.

Not all states allow you to petition the court for your records. However, if your state does allow this procedure, it is well worth the effort. Although it sounds complicated and a great deal of trouble, it is not nearly as difficult as it appears to be. Policies to petition courts for adoption records sometimes even vary in different counties in a state.

There are paid services that will petition the court for you if you choose not to do so yourself.... more

Step 6 is to purchase a notebook for documents and the information that you are beginning to compile.

A three-ring binder notebook with pockets might be your best choice. The biggest advantage to having a notebook dedicated specifically to your search is that it will help you keep all your information together. Since a search is somewhat like putting together a puzzle, you need to keep all the pieces together. Periodically, examine them and try to make the pieces fit together and solve your search.

If you sign up for... more