Hooray! I received my first request to discuss a specific topic on my blog! Okay, yes, I know that I am easily excited. However, I am pleased someone wants some comments about a specific issue. As people read our blogs, I hope that they do ask questions, make comments and share stories to help us all learn. Here is the request that I received:

“As I've been searching, I often see the same issues those searching/those found. One of the major issues I have found, that no one really thinks about before searching, is bchildren finding bparents who 1. are in a much lower... more

From my experience in the adoption community the number of adoptees searching for their birth parents has always been high. However, there are birth parents searching for the child they relinquished to adoption many years earlier. It is true that a birth mother searching is more difficult however new legislation in some states permits more access to birth information and new technology has the potential to make the search process easier for birth parents.

I hope by writing this blog that I will be able to provide you – the birth parents – with some guidance... more

I think that at some point during the healing journey of search and reunion journey the issue of abandonment finds a way to wiggle it’s way into conversations. I think that this issue is that many adoptees feel as if they were left by their birth parents, that there may have been something shameful about their past and in turn feel shameful about themselves. Another thought is that adoptees may feel they do not have permission to grieve the loss they feel from not growing up with their biological families and sadly get stuck in their anger and sadness.

The thing is... more

I believe that in my previous post regarding accessing original birth certificates, I used an incorrect term in mentioning the DE legislation that was passed several years ago. The DE law that provides access to the original birth certificate does NOT contain a “contact preference” but rather is referred to as a “disclosure veto” in the legislation.

The difference between a contact veto and a disclosure veto is that a disclosure veto is a document filed by one party to register a refusal to the release of any identifying information. A contact veto is a document filed... more

But I would not give you false hope On this strange and mournful day But the mother and child reunion Is only a motion away

Paul Simon

There is always a great deal of discussion about preparing for the worst case scenario at the end of a search. However, I would like to talk about the best case ending after a search. I believe in most cases that would be finding a willing and eager family member who wants contact. In cautioning searchers about the worst case outcomes, I feel that sometimes we overlook the best possible outcomes. Therefore,... more

Your non-identifying information may not seem particularly useful in the beginning of your search. However, later on, it can provide many clues which may help you narrow your search. To make the best use of your non-id, I suggest that you spend some time with someone who really understands the clues it contains.

For instance:

 It could help you to narrow down the states in which you search. If your non-identifying info states where your birth mom grew up, you know that could be one state to search in. Many birth moms left their homes, or were sent away to give... more

Take a look at the little boy in this photo. Try to imagine that this cute little tyke was yours. Would you want to know him even if someone else had raised him?

I know many birth moms who have searched for their children. They were determined to locate their children, and felt strongly that they had every right to do so. However, I know even more birth moms who did not search. They felt as though they had no right to do so and were afraid to search.

Many adoptees express the sentiment that if their birth family wanted to know them, they would find... more

Adoptees arguably have a hereditary advantage: they are often the offspring of highly principled women. Think about it. Women who surrender their children to adoption have made two physically and emotionally strenuous decisions: to carry their babies to term and to give those babies away. Neither is easy, and doing the first makes the second all the more difficult. Maybe it's no wonder that McDaniels, who says his adoptive parents gave him the opportunities to become the man he is, turned out to have the resilience and ingenuity he has shown in... more

Ever wonder where you got those beautiful eyes of yours? Most people know and they take it for granted that they would. Adoptees in closed adoptions rarely know and they do wonder.

Ask five adoptees why they are searching and you may receive five different responses. The need to search is sometimes difficult to put into words. Not all adopted persons really know exactly why they are searching. For many, it feels like an almost instinctual need. Some adoptees go for many years certain that they will never want to search, and then something changes, and suddenly they have a... more

I strongly believe that it is the searcher's responsibility to learn as much about search, reunions, to read about it, talk about it with experienced people and listen very carefully to the advice that is given.

The individual initiating the search knows none of this and without the searcher is not prepared. It is those who have walked before you that have learned from our own mistakes in search and reunion. With that said, I have compiled a list of dos and don’ts that I have learned myself and from others through the years.

DO be discreet!

DO remember... more