Has anyone felt at times that the adoption thing becomes too much? Have you ever felt as if you need to take a break from it? Even when you feel like you need a break do you find yourself still reading blogs, answering posts, or talking about it?

Sometimes I think back to when I was searching and recall the times that I felt as I needed a break but couldn’t stop obsessing about finding my natural mother. Grant you, that I am adopted. That is a fact and the subject is always going to be a constant in my life and that there is no alternative. I personally can’t ever... more

I believed that growing up in another family, my son would be like "them" (his adoptive family, not like me or his birth dad). I believed that nurture would outweigh nature. As long as they loved and took good care of him, I thought that all would be well. In some ways, it has been. My son has had a good life, and so have I, mostly.

Nevertheless, I have discovered that adoption is not a experience that you never "get over" or heal from completely. It becomes a part of the fabric of your soul - a part of you. It is not “natural” to take a piece of your self, your own... more

Some advocates of search and reunion tend to the minimize the possibility of rejection by the found party. Initially, when I entered the search and reunion world, the mantra was that rejection is rare.

I understand that to support those searching, some may want to downplay the possibility of rejection. Acceptance is more common. However, I have encountered more rejections than I expected given how rare I was told that rejections actually occur.

While I do not want to scare anyone with the possibility of rejection; I do believe that it is best to be forwarned that it might... more

There are some books that just should be ready by every one whether they have no intention of search, or are searching, or had a reunion a long time ago. These books will help all triad members understand what has happened to us as a group of people. I also think that adoption professionals, social workers, counselors, lawyers, judges, doctors, and nurses should read these books so that they can discover what their policies and practices are doing to those affected by adoption.

The first book is Lost and Found: The Adoption Experience by Betty Jean Lifton. Many in the... more

Non-identifying information is information that may be obtained in most states from the agency or county that handled the adoption. Most agencies and counties require the request be made in writing. The information that may be provided will vary from agency to agency, court to court, and from state to state. Non identifying information that is usually provided is:

Information in regards to Natural Parents: Age of the natural parents at the time or birth or surrender Place of Birth Physical description of natural parents Religion Education... more

Living and experiencing the closed adoption era it is clouded by secrecy, shame, and silence. For some, it may be an experience that was fueled by betrayal and lies.

In today’s world the family structure is complex and there are numerous reasons why mothers and babies are unable to stay together. I am not against adoption but I do feel that it should be the last resort.

When I first started my search for my natural family in 1991 one myth that I believed was that I was not wanted and not loved. This was a very negative imprint for me. It created resentment and... more

It is a fact that humans are naturally curious about their origins. Sometimes it is not a case of curiosity but rather the need to know their origins for medical reasons. DNA and genetic testing may be an avenue you may want to travel to help solve the adoption obstacles. Genetic testing may help solve the mysteries of the past.

For years I had searched for my birth father. My first personal experience with DNA was two or three years after finding my natural family. My sister’s father, had admitted that there was a possibility that he could be my natural father. He was... more

Someone recently brought it to my attention that if you call the FBI office in the state you were born, they will end you a “Freedom of Information Act” form to fill out to see if they can place you with being a black market baby. The person who shared this with me is going to try it. We don’t know if it is a fact or not but I thought it was worth putting out there for anyone who is searching and believes they may have been adopted through the black market. If anyone has attempted this or does attempt this I would love to hear from you and read your comments in regards to your results.

No... more

Expectations, we all have them. In fact I think expectations are so natural that it is almost like breathing. However, what does it mean when someone who is searching says that they don't have any expectations? Is it that they don't have any positive expectations? Or are they trying to block out everything in thier mind? If we say that we don't have any expectations are we really saying that we expect nothing?

Expectations fill our days sometimes consciously and sometimes not. Many of our expectations are like driving to work after you have done it for years. ... more

Petitioning the court is sometimes necessary to obtain access to adoption records. Here are some details to keep in mind about petitioning the court:

 Petitioning the court for adoption records is required in many states in the U.S. as the only avenue to obtain copies of those records.  Even though there are services that will petition the courts in some states for a fee, it is generally not necessary to use a service or an attorney to to obtain adoption records.

 When I first heard a few years ago about petitioning the... more