There were days during my search that I hoped to find a loving, enormously competent and supremely happy woman whose life was missing only one thing: ME! There were days that I was terrified of the woman I would find. I feared the possibility that she wouldn’t care or even really remember me.

Some adoptee who search have a fear that may have held them back. The fear is that the adoptee would keep trying to find his or her natural mother, all the time getting more and more opened to the need to see her and talk to her, but never manage to find her. The reality... more

Some adoptive parents may discuss once and never bring the subject up again. This can leave the adoptee feeling or with the impression that it is too painful, frightening or threatening to the adoptive parents to deal with the possibility of the adoptee finding their natural parents. This can further stimulate guilt around having the need to find the woman who gave you life.

Some adoptees wait until their search is complete to discuss with their search with their adoptive parents. Another suggestion in opening the discussion is to share a letter which... more

There are some adoptees who are not comfortable or haven’t discussed their search or their relationship with their natural mother with their adoptive parents.

The feelings of search can be “full time” with no stopping and starting. Some adoptees may feel guilty and don’t want to hurt their adoptive parents but the guilt from waiting to tell the adoptive parents can be greater. The need for your adoptive parents support and the need to know how the adoptive parents feel can be very strong for the adoptee.

One way to open the discussion is to write... more

Someone asking you a simple question such as “haven’t you ever wondered what your natural mother looks life?” could spark something within yourself to bring your natural mother into a clearer focus.

Sometimes when an adoptee unexpectedly learns of his natural parents names is the first day that the possibility of meeting him or her existed in their minds. No matter what the case, it is important to be ready emotionally to handle finding your natural mother. Some may not be ready until the make the decision to have a child and be afraid of what is in your natural... more

When I was searching I am not even sure what conflicts I had. When I think about my search I didn’t have the tug of war emotions with my heart that so many adoptees have told me that they have felt. I always felt as if I really had to meet my natural mother and siblings to see why I look and act the way I do. I recall feeling the reject that could very well occur at the end of a search. I think that there are many natural mothers that have the same concerns and I recall just wanting to tell my natural mother that I am fine, that my adoptive family has been very good... more

Have you ever wondered why an adoptee may not want contact with his or her natural mother? This is something that can happen even if the adoptee is searching. The adoptee may be afraid of what the natural mother is going to say or what will happen. As many adoptees do, he or she could have built up expectations and is afraid that the first phone call or meeting won’t live up to what he or she is hoping for. The adoptee may also be afraid of hurting his mother and father that have raised him for the last X number of years.

Some adoptees do not want to disrupt their... more

An adoption search is like putting a puzzle together. Adoption is probably always going to have the shroud of mystery to it. It would take a book, not a blog to list all of the possible puzzle pieces that you may have already acquired. Trying to put the puzzle pieces together can be frustrating as well as obvious that key pieces are missing.

It is frustrating at times to try and discover the mystery of your own life. Many times I have associated adoption search with Nancy Drew, The Case of the Girl without a Past.

There are laws in each state that... more

Do you remember what you picture in your high year book look liked? Were you the class clown, most likely to succeed, or most athletic? Do you remember what the club or sports team photo in your high school year book looked like? Some people may be wondering what adoption search has to do with high school year books. Well, there are many who are searching who will use year books for assistance.

Yearbooks can be very useful especially if you have a partial name or just a first name. Many public libraries have a collection of high school year books for the... more

Regardless of what we say, all of us experience guilt. Guilt is not always bad. Sometimes we can use it to make positive changes. Other times, guilt can overwhelm us and we become imprisoned in shame. Our responsibilities to ourselves and to others can be immense. We want to live the dreams we have for ourselves and to feel successful in our lives. We want to have our hobbies, our interests and our desires.

Even though all of us feel guilt, some feel it more deeply than others. It has appeared to me that guilt seems to play a more active role in the lives of triad... more

Adoption is a life long experience and the issues that come along with it can be very difficult. Each person copes with adoption issues in a unique way. Whether you are an adoptee, adoptive parent, birth parent, sibling or other family member, you may feel anger, guilt, shame, insecurity, fear, powerlessness, despair and depression. You are not alone in all of these emotions and there are people who can help you understand them and support you as you work through it.

Family relationships may change as individuals react differently to the adopted life experience.... more