.........When an Open Adoption was Closed?

There is so much talk about honesty at reunion. Should a birth mother tell her child that she wanted and expected contact, but that she was denied contact? Do the adoptive parents expect that she will not tell? Is it reasonable to believe that she will not? How will this affect the child's relationships with their adoptive parents? Should the birth mother care about that? Is a better course of action to omit this bit of information at reunion?

I think if I were in such a situation, I could... more

.........When an Open Adoption was Closed?

A few birth moms that I know relinquished children to adoptions that were supposed to be open. Somewhere along the line, the adoptive parents decided to abruptly close the adoption. One birth mom that I know found out in a cold, harsh manner through the adoption agency.

The adoptive parents sent the agency a letter and said that they had changed their minds, and had decided that it would be too confusing and too difficult to allow contact. They said they felt that it would be better for... more

For adoptees, reunion can resolve many unanswered questions as it does for birth family. I believe that for adoptees the need to find information is often as significant as the need to reconnect. Some adoptees say that the “need to know” is more important than the desire to seek a relationship.

There are other adoptees who feel certain that they want only information, and not a relationship. I think it is premature to decide whether you want contact and/or a possible relationship unless you take the risk and meet your birth family member.

I feel sorry for those... more

If the siblings that an adoptee finds at reunion are successful, happy people with a close relationship to their birth mom, the adoptee might experience some jealousy. There could be moments of thinking, "Why don't I have what they have?" or "Why did she keep them and not me?" Depending on how happy you are with your own life, you might be envious of the life your siblings have had.

On the other hand, finding a dysfunctional birth family could make an adoptee feel that being relinquished may have been a blessing for them. If other siblings raised by their birth mother... more

Sodium Pentothal, the so-called truth serum, was fairly popular at one point in time. It was used as a way to test people to determine if they were telling the truth. These days it is not commonly used as a method for testing an individual for their truthfulness. I wonder if some adoptees seeking answers wish that they could bring it back! The sheer unadulterated truth is often hard to come by in adoption.

There may be any numbers of “good” reasons for sugar-coating or down-playing the truth, or outright lying about the truth. Many people feel that it is sometimes better... more