Change comes slowly in adoption, but attitudes about certain issues do eventually take some positive turns. How adoptive parents feel about their children searching is one of those issues where a positive change in direction has definitely occurred over the years.

In the past, not too many adoptive parents seemed to support the idea of their children searching. In fact, I would venture to say that ten to twenty years ago, few adoptive parents would have supported their child's desire to search. Virtually no one supported searches a few decades ago, with... more

Some adoptive parents are heard to say, "What about me?" at reunion. Reunion is not about adoptive parents. It is not for their benefit, nor are they the main characters in a reunion. During a reunion, they play a minor role. I believe that it is crucial for adoptive parents to understand and accept that reunion is not a time for them to be center of attention. Most adoptive parents understand this. Want to give your child a priceless gift at reunion? Unless asked to participate, stand back and let the reunion develop between your child and their... more

As an adoptive mom - I'd love to also hear what we can do to encourage our children to search if they'd like to. And how we can be supportive of that process (help, sounding board, etc).

The best way that an adoptive mom can encourage their child to search if they decide someday that they want to is let them know that: 1) If they decide to search that you will support them; 2) Searching is entirely normal; 3) You understand their need to search; 4) You will still love them... more

Support them, that's what you do if your child wants to search. Finally, I have a simple, straight forward response for a question! If your child - adult or minor - wants to search, provide all the support and encouragement that you can muster. If the thought of your adopted child searching strikes terror in your heart, keep in mind that it probably hits your child that way too. They will need your support maybe more than any other time in their life.

Wimpy, insecure people rarely search. The whole thought of facing possible rejection is... more