Ever spoken to an adoptee who is searching? You might be surprised at how some people treat them. Although some social workers or clerks are very sympathetic and helpful, many people who have access to adoption records are are not known for being particularly kind.

Some of the remarks that I have heard that adoptees receive are extremely sad. Several adoptees have told me that when they went to the adoption agency that handled their adoption they were told to come back later - when they were older. A few adoptees have told me that they went back... more

This photo doesn't look anything like what I figured Pandora's Box might look like, but that's what it was entitled, so I will trust the photographer. "Pandora's Box" - even as educated as many have become about adoption reunions, we still have a long far to go in educating people about adoption search and reunions.

Adoptees still receive the "Pandora's Box" reference when they mention that they are considering a search. "Why would you want to open all that up?" people ask them. I know that I was as guilty as anyone taking alot for granted. To know... more

Have you begun to search and run into attitudes and people who make you want to scream?

During your search, you may come across some troublesome attitudes when you tell people about your search. Even some of the agencies or other facilities that may have your records may be not be supportive of searches. Some people just do not understand why anyone wants or needs to search. In some instances, some people who control access to records are openly hostile to searchers.

Therefore, if you are embarking on a search it might be best to prepare for mean-spirited, uninformed... more

Considering a search is generally a pretty scary proposition for most of us participants in closed adoptions. For each member of the triad the idea of searching presents different challenges.

For adoptees, there may be some negative feedback when they announce that they are considering a search. People who aren’t adopted sometimes have a hard time grasping why a search is necessary. Consequently, some adopted people are sometimes peppered with insensitive probing questions about their desire to search. Comments such as:

"Aren’t your adoptive parents upset?" "Why does it matter?" "Wouldn’t it hurt your adoptive parents?" "Why do you need to know about your... more