Forgiveness is a choice that takes courage and strength and it gives you the opportunity to become someone who has dealt with the adoption experience rather than remaining a victim of your own scorn.

Is not forgiving yourself a form of pride? If you have enacted a different set of rules at a higher set of standards for yourself over others then that is pride. When it can be found within yourself to forgive others but not ourselves are you saying that you are less capable of making a decision than others. Someone we are more intuitive, wiser, more insightful,... more

“Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and our selves.” ~ Sidney and Suzanne Simon

Is everyone the kind of person capable of forgiving? I think that most of us would like to think that we are but are we really? Is forgiving sometimes hard and feels like a closed door instead of an open door inside our... more

For adoptees, there may be a need to forgive your birth mother for the decision that she made so many years ago. Even if your adoption and life have been happy and fulfilling, you may still have felt some effects from being relinquished. Yes, you may have some anger. Birth mothers who have educated themselves about adoption may understand your anger. However, it may puzzle some birth moms that their children are angry.

Most birth mothers relinquished their children wanting the best for them, and believing that adoption was the best, most loving... more

Many of the fathers of babies relinquished in decades past were quite young themselves. Although some may have made some attempts to be helpful and supportive, most had minimal ideas of exactly how and what they should do. Birth dads differ just like birth moms.

Even those birth dads who tried to find ways to help avoid the adoption option failed due to their youth and immaturity. For others, their coping skills may have led them to flee the situation out of fear. Some men were just plain irresponsible and uncaring individuals. I believe this... more

Forgiving others for their lack of real knowledge about adoption is a necessary step towards healing at the time of reunion. Anger is one of the steps that most people in reunion pass through. Some people remain stuck forever with the anger, and others have bouts of anger, but mostly have conquered their anger.

After you have passed through the anger stage in healing, forgiveness is the next logical step. Unless and until you are able to forgive your parents and other trusted advisors, your anger may plague you and affect every relationship... more

Forgiveness is a huge issue to tackle at reunion. Many birth mothers have more than one person to begin to forgive at the time of a reunion. A crucial step in recovering from the wounds of adoption during reunion is finding ways to forgive, not only others, but yourself.

For birth mothers from the infamous “baby scoop” era, when adoptions were at an all time high in the United States, there may be a fairly extensive list of people to forgive. Particularly for those women who were pressured into relinquishing, this list could be quite lengthy.... more