When a natural parent has lost a child to adoption she may feel guilt, shame, bitterness, anger and depression. You may feel that you found out too late that adoption did not deliver its promise to keep you free from difficulties and trapped you with a burden to silently bear.

One thing about the adoption community is that we all have thoughts about what our lives would be like if adoption hadn’t touched us. The thing is that within the adoption community we all seem to know each others feelings and where they have stemmed from.

Some... more

I have talked about the loss in adoption. The natural parents lose their child, the adoptee loses their biological connection and the adoptive parents lose of hope of a biological child. I truly believe it is important to acknowledge and validate these loses in adoption and go through the grief process.

Some triad members deny that they have experienced a loss. I use the analogy of a drug or alcohol addicted person. In the drug addict or the alcoholic, they don’t see that they have a problem. There are triad members that do say that being adopted... more

My finding a grave at the end of my search is what truly inspired me to spend time helping triad members with their adoption issues, more specifically with search assistance and educating them about the issues that come along with adoption search and reunion. When I started my search I attended a support group meeting regularly and met a lot of adoptees and natural parents. After searching for 15 months, I attended my first adoption conference and then continued to attend both after finding a grave. What I learned was that I was not alone in my pain and... more

A few weekends ago I encountered a searching adoptee whose anger is sadly getting the best of her. After a few email exchanges with her, I thought it might be good to write about the losses of adoption and grief. The thing with adoption is that there are gains and losses for all triad members. Adoptees gain parents while loosing their birth parents. Adoptive parents who are infertile become parents while losing the dream of giving birth to a child. Birth parents are relieved of the parenting while losing a child.

Even in the world of open adoptions, there is loss.... more