The American Adoption Congress (AAC) is an International organization 28 years old, composed of all members of the triad, educators, social workers and anyone else who promotes honesty in adoption. The AAC does not promote adoption nor arrange them.

The AAC is all volunteer and are well known to other groups such as PACER and CUB.

The AAC is a leader in adoption conferences where a gathering of researchers, agencies, studies, and anyone interested in adoption issues share knowledge with each other. The conferences include international adoption... more

For adoption triad members adoption is a part of our lives. It is not going to go away and it is not perfect. No matter your specific situation most encounter frustration and anger at some point.

Frustration and anger surface because there are many experiences that can bring up these feelings. Here are some common triggers that I have seen through out the adoption community:

• A yearning for knowledge • Family and friends who don’t understand • Our own confusion • A search that hits brick wall after brick... more

Forgiveness is a choice that takes courage and strength and it gives you the opportunity to become someone who has dealt with the adoption experience rather than remaining a victim of your own scorn.

Is not forgiving yourself a form of pride? If you have enacted a different set of rules at a higher set of standards for yourself over others then that is pride. When it can be found within yourself to forgive others but not ourselves are you saying that you are less capable of making a decision than others. Someone we are more intuitive, wiser, more insightful,... more

In a healthy relationship there is no position of power and both individuals are genuinely interested in the others well being and so there is no reason to feel threatened, and there is no fear of attack. Both individuals can be open and honest in a safe environment where they are valued and cared for.

If you find yourself using guilt in your adoption reunion the answer to why you are doing it is in you and not the other person. You may want to ask yourself why you feel threatened? Is there something in the past that you can not forgive? Is... more

In adoption reunion, have you ever found yourself turning to someone in your life and saying "If you loved me you would" or ending an argument with "don't worry about me". If so, are you using guilt as a weapon? Using guilt as a weapon may get you what you want in the short term, but it is a dangerous tactic that will undermine your relationship with your natural mother, child, sibling, spouse or significant other.

Using guilt destroys intimacy by making love conditional. If you manipulate someone with guilt you are telling... more

As I said in my previous blog, the seven core issues in adoption effect all triad members. This blog is going to focus on these issues and the natural mothers.

The first is loss and this is something that ruminates about the lost child for the natural mother. The initial loss merges with other life events and can lead to social isolation, changes in body and self image. There is also the relationship losses between the natural mother and their child relinquished to adoption and even between the natural mother and natural father.

The... more

The experiences of adoption triad members are all different but there are some feelings and issues that all triad members have in common through out the course of their lives. It is important to recognize these similarities. In this 3 part series of blogs, I am going to try and point out how each triad member is effected by the seven core issues of adoption.

For adoptees the first is loss and how that effects the adoptee is it is a fear of ultimate abandonment, loss of their biological, genetic and cultural history as well as issues of holding... more

The child you relinquished to adoption is no longer your child. Many still though torture themselves with the pain of guilt and doubt. It is human to do that but are you being fair to yourself?

By loving your child you have loved deeply and that says that you have a deep capacity for love that many do not. Basically, natural parents are good people. Should that goodness not be recognized instead of inflicting the pain on yourself for what could of, would of, or should of have been done.

The adoptive parents have welcomed... more

Guilt is a word that can invoke in us the deepest, most terrible feelings of loss, horror, anger, and helplessness. Why did I do what I did? Why couldn't I have done more? Did I not do enough? Did I do too much? Did I do everything I could? Did I wait too long? If only I had not had unprotected sex. If only I had realized the consequences. If only I had waited longer. If only I had more money. If only I had listened to my parents. If only I had known more at the time. If only I had listened to my gut feelings. These are just... more

“Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and our selves.” ~ Sidney and Suzanne Simon

Is everyone the kind of person capable of forgiving? I think that most of us would like to think that we are but are we really? Is forgiving sometimes hard and feels like a closed door instead of an open door inside our... more