For a birth mother in reunion, all sorts of remarks will be offered once you volunteer the news that you have been found or found your child. One of the main reasons I never told anyone that I was a birth mother until reunion was my fear that people would reject me once they heard my "secret." All in all, I was fortunate to receive lots of support and few insensitive comments.

Here are some of the ways and comments nearly guaranteed to stir up reunited birth moms and set their blood boiling:

1. One of the all time favorite comments made... more

My recent blog on The Primal Wound received enough comments that I think it is worth wrapping up the issue with some conclusions and final thoughts.

So many years after the Primal Wound was written, it is still a controversial theory. However, it has been accepted by many adoptees and researchers. I applaud the book for the benefits it has provided to those who embrace... more

I strongly recommend a local search and support group in the area you live as well as the area you are searching in if they are different. There are also national organizations such as the Adoptee Liberty Movement Association (ALMA), American Adoption Congress (AAC), and Concerned United Birth Parents (CUB). These groups not only encourage adoption search and support but also believe in openness in current adoption practice. The contact information for the organizations mentioned in this blog is at the end along with the links to their websites.

As... more

Whether there is really a "primal wound" that occurs after a baby is separated from its mother at birth is a popular topic for discussion in adoption circles. The theory of a primal wound is not reserved exclusively for babies who are adopted. This theory also includes children who are separated at birth from their mothers due to serious medical issues and/or prematurity.

However, the premise of the primal wound was conceived by adoptive mom and therapist Nancy Verrier due to the experiences... more

When a natural parent has lost a child to adoption she may feel guilt, shame, bitterness, anger and depression. You may feel that you found out too late that adoption did not deliver its promise to keep you free from difficulties and trapped you with a burden to silently bear.

One thing about the adoption community is that we all have thoughts about what our lives would be like if adoption hadn’t touched us. The thing is that within the adoption community we all seem to know each others feelings and where they have stemmed from.

Some... more

Recently, I wrote about the loss of my dear friend Nathlie. This entire weekend I couldn’t stop thinking about her. So as I am dealing with my own personal experience with grief I thought that I would write about grief. One of the things that I realized this weekend is that grief isn’t simply a mental condition. It is a sadness that affects our physical and emotional selves.

My grief experience has been with finding a grave or the loss of a couple of close friends and family members through the years. I think that with every loss that we experience... more

The vast majority of adoptees are not yet legally entitled to their records. There is a movement underway in many states to require, among other restrictive measures, that adult adoptees (whether age 21 or age 71) obtain the written consent of their adoptive parents to request the opening of their own adoption records. For non-adoptees, this could be likened to a requirement for the written permission of your parents to request a copy of your birth certificate, to apply for your original medical records, to register to vote, or to apply for a passport.... more

It was only when I obtained my "non-identifying information," which contained (among other more relevant information) my birth weight and size, that I discovered some of the physical and emotional deprivation this separation from my family and my history had caused. I had not known the existence of a basic physical need for answers residing silently and unknown within me my entire life, until that need was partially met. I wept with joy at the minuscule bit of data I had obtained, and dreamed that night of meeting a baby girl, hugging and being hugged by her... more

When I learned that someone other than me was also searching for Mary, the information raised the possibility that I have a sibling, a possibility that has wrenched my soul. I might have a brother or sister alive in the world, one I have never met, and we have no way to know or find each other unless our paths cross in the search for Mary. This is indisputably wrong. With this development, along with the 41 years of life as an adoptee, 20 years of considering a search, two years of frustrating work in searching for my birth family, and the unbelievable recent... more

This was originally written during the search of a person whose natural mother recently passed away due to complications of Alzheimer’s. This is being posted to the blog with the author’s permission.

I continue to believe that most people, when given the opportunity, will reconsider their automatically held, unexamined biases and opinions. If you have not considered the rights of adoptees before now, please take this opportunity to do so.

I am Mary's daughter. Mary has a granddaughter and three great granddaughters she has never met.... more