In some reunions, there is an instant and immediate connection. The other party may seem somewhat familiar. There may seem to be many common interests between the two parties, and often many similarities in personalities. The more like minded the two parties are, the greater the probability that they may feel an instant connection.

Sometimes the two parties seem nothing alike. The person that they meet at reunion seems like a stranger, an alien. Nearly every belief that they have may be in opposition to the other party's beliefs.

In... more

At the beginning of reunion, I wondered how much my son would want to be in touch on holidays. I tried to keep my expectations low. However, once your child comes back into your life at reunion,you may be tempted to expect them to fit neatly into your life just like your other children.

However, if you are being realistic, you know that the child that you did not raise will never quite feel like your child as your other children do. You may feel like his or her mother, but your relinquished child will rarely feel like you are their parent. That is natural and... more

Birth parents sometimes complain when the kind of relationship they want doesn’t happen quickly. They may wish for more appreciation of gifts. More contact might be an issue as well. Many issues crop up and have the potential to cause problems. There are disappointments when reunion relationships do not meet expectations.

Sometimes I believe adoptees test birth parents to see how long they will hang in there and keep working on the relationship. They might push buttons thinking that birth parents won’t stick around anyway. Whether intentional or... more

When your relinquished children at reunion ends up living thousands of miles away from you, most of your contact may end up being via the telephone. Depending on your personality, this might work well for you or be less than satisfying. Although many of us keep in touch via email, I love hearing both of my son's voices on the phone.

One universal truth I have discovered is that nearly all birth mothers want more contact than their children. There are rare exceptions. Sometimes adoptees want more contact, but that seems to be less common. When many miles separate... more

Often in a reunion relationship, one party wants or needs more than the other one. The needier party probably wants more contact, more attention or more closeness. Some people are able to reevaluate their needs and be satisified with less. In reunion relationships, I think it is always wise to remember than any relationship at all provided more than you may have expected. For others, that is more difficult.

What else constitutes a good reunion? Some parties attend conferences and present talks together, but I believe that those relationships are the exception... more

Due to my involvement with the adoption reform community, I know many people who are reunited. Some of the people I know who are in reunion were the searchers, others like me were found. So far, I cannot see any correlation between those who searched and those who were found as far as how satisfying they find may reunion.

Nearly all the birth parents that I know seemed to embrace the idea of reunion although to varying degrees. Most of the adoptees I know tend to be searchers, so of course they are interested in reunion. I do hear about adoptees who do not... more

Some people seem to think that reunion fixes everything and resolves adoption loss issues. By now people are probably extremely tired of hearing me say so, but for me reunion has given me some resolution nothing else could have. I love getting to know my son. However, making up for lost time is impossible and reunion does not wipe out the past.

A photo of Jenna and her beautiful Munchkin making cookies some time back was one of those bittersweet moments I often have when I see such photos. I am so pleased that Jenna and her daughter have... more

More lessons learned from my therapist:

2) Be patient and understand that building a relationship takes time. Like building a house, you first build a foundation, and then continue to build brick by brick. 3) That my son probably cared about me and wanted me to be happy. I honestly needed some prodding to figure that out. 4) That one of the most important tasks for me was to stay consistent with my communications with my son. No matter what he did, I contacted him with the same frequency, and worked hard to be consistent. At times,... more

As I read other bloggers’ thoughts on Halloween this morning, I began to reflect on past Halloweens and recalled which stood out in my mind the most. Since my children are grown now, my most recent memories are of three much loved grandchildren.

On a recent weekend, my granddaughter proudly showed me her costume for this year. She had a prepackaged combo this year, and as she pulled out the pieces from the bag, she explained each item in great detail. At eight years old, she is very articulate!

Eventually, she decided that she... more

These past few years I have become so much stronger. I know that I can and will handle whatever does happen in both my reunion and in the rest of my life. However, I also know that I love my son so much that it nearly takes my breath away at times when I ponder losing him again. Not a wise move to let my thoughts dwell long on losing him.

I have become accustomed to our warm friendship. I look forward to our chats, visits and our connection. It will break my heart – again - if he decides not to continue our relationship. As much as I tell myself... more