After a pleasant and chatty lunch, we head off to a park that is popular with kite-boarders. He wanted to check and see if there was enough wind for any of his kite-boarding buddies to be out on the water. The wind was perfection, so, one young man with his kite was just heading out to the water as we arrived. Several more launched as we watched.

We walked down the steps to the beach and then plunked ourselves down to rest on a long thick log strewn across the sand. As we sat there watching, Chris watched enviously as his friends... more

Mother and son - yes and no. In some ways, I feel strongly like his mother - in my heart I am. I should say, I feel like one of his mothers. Never do I forget that he has another mother as well. In other respects, it seems more as though I am a fraud, not really his mother, just pretending.

I signed papers saying that I was giving up the right to be his mother. I never did all those traditional mom acts - watching his first step, changing diapers, etc. I am proud of him as a mother is though, and happy to be with him.

As... more

Trips to Seattle are a regular part of my life now, and I hope now that they always will be! Although for years I hated the thought of the City because it reminded me of the saddest event of my life (losing my son to adoption), I now love the area. My son, Chris is there, and I spend time with and get to know him in the City. I can enjoy Seattle for the beautiful city that it really is, and love it because my son is there.

Chris grew up close to Seattle with his adoptive family. Therefore, he spent much of his childhood outdoors in... more

.........When an Open Adoption was Closed?

There is so much talk about honesty at reunion. Should a birth mother tell her child that she wanted and expected contact, but that she was denied contact? Do the adoptive parents expect that she will not tell? Is it reasonable to believe that she will not? How will this affect the child's relationships with their adoptive parents? Should the birth mother care about that? Is a better course of action to omit this bit of information at reunion?

I think if I were in such a situation, I could... more

.........When an Open Adoption was Closed?

A few birth moms that I know relinquished children to adoptions that were supposed to be open. Somewhere along the line, the adoptive parents decided to abruptly close the adoption. One birth mom that I know found out in a cold, harsh manner through the adoption agency.

The adoptive parents sent the agency a letter and said that they had changed their minds, and had decided that it would be too confusing and too difficult to allow contact. They said they felt that it would be better for... more

You know my response to the social worker if you have been reading much of my blog. Had I responded differently, I wouldn’t be here blogging about search and reunion. I wouldn’t be one of the staunchest advocates for search and reunion on the face of the planet.

Most importantly though, I would not know the joys of having a relationship with my oldest son. If I had said, “No” to Sara, the social worker, I would still be deeply wedged into that safe, but uncomfortable, birth mother closet of denial.

Had I said, “No”, I would not know my... more

There was an abrupt shift in my feelings after the revelation that I still loved my son hit me. It was safe to love him now I thought. Therefore, I finally allowed myself the luxury of loving him, and came out of the denial I had used as a crutch for so many years.

I suddenly was thrilled at the thought of talking to my son, and maybe even having the chance to meet him. I had never imagined that it would be possible to find him, and now, I leapt at the chance to be in touch with him.

The fear no longer controlled me, I knew I had to... more

“My son is searching for me?”, I did not say that out loud, but, as my brain was racing and trying to process what I had just heard, that is what I was thinking. “Is it really possible?” was my next thought.

Certainly, I knew that adoption reunions happened these days once in a while. However, I still believed that they were extremely rare. I actually did not think about it much as I was so deeply dedicated to protecting my secret. Thinking about my relinquished son was something I avoided as much as I could.

When I thought of his adoption,... more

Five years ago tonight, I received the most life-altering phone call of my lifetime. That call was from a stranger named Sara. Just as I walked in the back door after work, my husband shoved the phone in my hand and said, "It's for you." I can't tell you why, but, there was an immediate sense of foreboding as I took the phone. From the moment he handed me the phone, I felt an uneasy sense of something out of the ordinary.

The phone call was from a social worker at the agency that handled my son's adoption - nearly 32 years earlier. Sara was a soft-spoken woman with a gentle... more

Reunion is often a consuming experience for triad members. Often we have been separated from our child or birth mother for 20+ years or more, so, it is entirely understandable that reunion is a profound experience for us. Our friends and families may comment that we seem totally absorbed with this new person in our life.

We may talk about our new found birth family member non-stop. If the person that we are reunited with doesn't call or email often enough, we may seem to overreact. Every word that other person utters may be analyzed for hidden meanings. In short, we may seem obsessed... more