Reader comments are so helpful whether they are positive or negative. One of the reasons I like to receive them is because they often spark deeper conversations about various subjects. They also help me to understand when there is a need for more education about a particular subject.

The last comment in this http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/wraith-explains-it-well post has several issues that I would like to talk about.

It... more

These past few years I have become so much stronger. I know that I can and will handle whatever does happen in both my reunion and in the rest of my life. However, I also know that I love my son so much that it nearly takes my breath away at times when I ponder losing him again. Not a wise move to let my thoughts dwell long on losing him.

I have become accustomed to our warm friendship. I look forward to our chats, visits and our connection. It will break my heart – again - if he decides not to continue our relationship. As much as I tell myself... more

For the past 5 years, Chris has always acknowledged my birthday in some way. Generally it is with a phone call or a card. Last year, he was here and gave me a present. I always call him on his birthday and send a card and gift. This is all background info.

When I called him on his birthday this year, I got his voice mail – hardly surprising. He is busier than any three people that I know. People often ask me how I find the time to do all that I do. Being 22 years younger than I am, Chris lives at an even more frenetic pace than I do.

When... more

On Sept 9, my son's birthday, I talked about my extraordinary son, how proud I am of him and how pleased that he exists. I was feeling settled with our reunion, grateful for what we have.

Then, a day later, I had a meltdown. What to do, I thought in the midst of the tears streaming down my face? Do I pretend all is well, and just keeping on blogging about the usual stuff?

Next, I thought some more and recalled that we have had other blogger meltdowns. Chronicling our meltdowns gives a more accurate portrayal of our lives, for me that... more

In the letter to my son's other mother, which I referred to at the end of part 1,I told her what an amazing job she had done raising our son. I spoke of Chris being all that any mother could ever wish for in a son. She called it a beautiful letter - I wanted it to be. The more time that I spend with Chris, the more convinced I am that he is a most extraordinary young man, just as my other son is.

It is an interesting experience getting to know a child that... more

Today is my son, Chris' birthday. I can joyfully celebrate his birthdays now that he is back in my life. It feels so natural and right to finally be able to appreciate and consider the day he was born as an occasion to celebrate.

Birthdays, particularly those of my children, often make me nostalgic. As my son Chris' birthday has loomed closer, my thoughts have drifted to our last visit nearly a month ago. We sat by the water on a log for hours just chatting. As we watched, kite boarders leapt from the water in front of us up into the air. For me,... more

To build a reunion relationship, you need to proceed slowly. When I spoke to my son on the phone that first time, we had a warm and congenial conversation. The words came easily for us. I think that he would agree.

Because our first contact was so positive, I was very enthusiastic and ready to shift into high gear with our relationship. I wanted closeness and a connection right away. Although I felt a connection immediately, it takes time to build a relationship, even when the two people are related. Those years apart is a barrier of sorts.

When... more

Many adoptees go into reunion not expecting the experience to be as earth-shattering as it sometimes turns out to be for them. As birth parents, there are a number of ways that we can help make the process less chaotic and less stressful for our children. Here are a few:

1) Follow the pace that is most comfortable for your adult children. Often it is said that whoever instigates a search needs to allow the "found" person to set the pace. Sometimes this does make sense as the found person has generally not had time to prepare for or process the whole reunion... more

Most people probably understand that at reunion, healing often begins for birth parents. Healing and resolution also occurs for adoptees at reunion as well. I have spoken to many adoptees in the process of reunion, and heard the laments of those in difficult and unsatisfying reunions. What separates adoptees who find reunion a positive experience from those who find it a mostly frustrating experience?

Several factors are involved in the level of healing that adoptees can accomplish at reunion. Of course, they have to heal themselves; no one can heal for someone else. However, I believe... more

"I never remember a time when I didn't know that I was adopted," he said next. "That's good", I told him, "that's how it is supposed to be." Sitting next to my son on the log, with the cool breeze blowing was heavenly for me. I could not imagine anything better.

I sat quietly part of the time, just relishing making this memory with my son. Words were unnecessary, just being together was enough. Memories are not plentiful for us, and it is important to me that we create some good ones together. Mothers and sons should have some recollections... more