This is a method that Christi Bender posted to the forum at adoption.com. She gave me permission to offer her suggestion for first contact here:

When I contacted my bmom I thought about the knock on the door method (always somewhere in a dream), but seeing as how I was in FL and she was in MI that just wasn't practical.

I thought about the phone... but it would require an immediate reaction. A confused mind will generally say "no". Not always... but generally. I also didn't want to put her on the spot. I didn't know her health... more

Some people are not adept at letter writing and would prefer contact via the telephone. This method has its pros and cons as does any method. If you decide that telephone is how you would prefer to communiciate initially, there are several points to keep in mind.

Ask the person as soon as the conversation begins if this is a convenient time for them to talk. There could be someone nearby who does not know about the adoption in which case the person you contact may not feel free to talk. If they indicate that it is not a good time for them to talk, give them your... more

Deciding which method to use for your first contact can sometimes be an exasperating task. If you ask several people their opinions, each one may give you a different reply. The reason that is the case is simply this. There is no one “right” way to initiate your first contact. There are several different takes on this issue. The first method that I will discuss for initial contact is via a letter.

Many people are big proponents of advising others that the initial contact should always be via written correspondence. They advise this means for contact for a variety of reasons.... more

Do birth parents in reunion "owe" their relinquished children anything at the time of a reunion? I believe that they do. At reunion, I feel strongly that birth parents should “step up to the plate” and try to repair some of the damage relinquishment may have caused their children. They can do this by sharing honestly with their children and giving them any information that they request.

Here are a couple of comments that I have heard from adoptees that trouble me:  My birth mom refuses to reveal the name of my birth father;  My birth mom requires... more

Birth parent reunions have been the subject of books, articles, and television shows. I think that two important things emerge from these accounts:

The first is that the adoptee and birth parents carry a picture in their mind of the perfect family. However, the reunion experience may not live up to that fantasy. In preparing for reunion it is so important for birth parents as well as adoptees to prepare for a whole rage of realities. Although most birth parents are agreeable to further contact, research indicates that a minority (9-15 percent) reject any contact... more

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen nor touched but are felt in the heart."

- Helen Bradley

Happy Valentine's Day to All! In honor of Valentine's Day, I decided to post a second photo of my son and me. As I have probably mentioned, our reunion is 4 1/2 years old, and I do not have many photos of us together. However, I treasure those that I do have and am very proud and grateful for them. For me, reunion photos are visual reminders of what reunion is all about. I believe reunion is often a journey of the heart to repair that missing... more

It has been said that “a picture is worth a thousand words". This photograph is one of the first photos ever taken of my son and I - and I treasure it and others that have followed!

Our First Contact

"Jan? It’s Chris" - those were the first words my son ever spoke to me. I missed the "mama" stage with my son; I was never around for him to call me that as a toddler. Nor, was I there for his teen years when having his mother around was probably the last person he cared to have around. Instead, he was nearly 32 years old before we spoke for the... more