For adoptees, reunion can resolve many unanswered questions as it does for birth family. I believe that for adoptees the need to find information is often as significant as the need to reconnect. Some adoptees say that the “need to know” is more important than the desire to seek a relationship.

There are other adoptees who feel certain that they want only information, and not a relationship. I think it is premature to decide whether you want contact and/or a possible relationship unless you take the risk and meet your birth family member.

I feel sorry for those... more

On December 23rd the mail man arrived and as I was going through the mail saw a card that I didn’t know who it was from. It was addressed to me with my maiden name and then in parenthesis my married name with another set of parenthesis that contained “sorry”. There was no return address on the card so of course the way the envelope was addressed peaked my curiosity and I opened it immediately. I was in a state of dismay when I saw that it was from my natural sister.

She addressed the inside of the card to my husband and me. The contents of the note was mostly... more

The past 10 days we have spent vacationing in the south eastern states. When we started to plan this trip about a year ago I wasn’t too excited about going. I am a beach person and wanted to take a cruise or go to the Caribbean. My husband on the other hand is the total opposite. He doesn’t care for the beach and would prefer visiting the mountains. Since we have done the Caribbean and beaches the past several years, I told my husband that this year he could pick our vacation spot. He chose Nashville, TN and the Smokey Mountains.

Little did I know when we... more

If the siblings that an adoptee finds at reunion are successful, happy people with a close relationship to their birth mom, the adoptee might experience some jealousy. There could be moments of thinking, "Why don't I have what they have?" or "Why did she keep them and not me?" Depending on how happy you are with your own life, you might be envious of the life your siblings have had.

On the other hand, finding a dysfunctional birth family could make an adoptee feel that being relinquished may have been a blessing for them. If other siblings raised by their birth mother... more

Sodium Pentothal, the so-called truth serum, was fairly popular at one point in time. It was used as a way to test people to determine if they were telling the truth. These days it is not commonly used as a method for testing an individual for their truthfulness. I wonder if some adoptees seeking answers wish that they could bring it back! The sheer unadulterated truth is often hard to come by in adoption.

There may be any numbers of “good” reasons for sugar-coating or down-playing the truth, or outright lying about the truth. Many people feel that it is sometimes better... more

The biggest myth about why most women relinquish is that it is a choice that they make because they do not love or want their child. In most cases, it is just the opposite. Some women convince themselves (or others do) that the "loving" choice is to relinquish. In some extreme situations, this could be true.

Those who work in adoptions sometimes may use a pregnant woman's love for her child to their advantage. They may tell her that the loving choice is for her to relinquish her child. And, what if she compares what she has to offer with that of more mature, settled,... more

For some women, it only takes one of the many reasons mentioned in part 1 to decide to relinquish, or to be pressured into doing so. Some people attach enough significance to two-parent families, that factor alone may cause a relinquishment. Other women may have several factors that play a part in their decision (or the decision of the authority figures who make their decision for them).

There are plenty of seemingly plausible and sensible reasons for a woman to relinquish, but, what does it really take for a woman to be emotionally able to do so? I believe that denial,... more

For me searching and finding my natural family brought me a fresh perspective about my adoptive family. For most of my life I felt as if I didn’t really fit in or that I was never part of a “real” family like everyone else. After meeting my natural family, I realize that most people don’t belong to a “real” family whether they are adopted or not. Every family has its own wishes and fantasies to come true. I learned that there are people who make up families and that my adoptive family is the ones that fate gave me. It would be no different if they... more

Some natural mothers are ecstatic to be found. She may even be searching herself. You may discover that you look a lot alike. You may feel as if you are starting to feel real inside.

When making this initial phone call you may feel like you have rehearsed and practices and practiced and rehearsed. When your natural mother gets on the phone your hands may become clammy and your head whirl as you try to learn as much as you can with each word, expression, or hesitation. Your natural mother may deny that she is your natural mother or the person that you... more

Many adoptees make first contact with their natural mother by telephone. Some natural mothers may be aware that someone was trying to locate her if contact was initially made through another natural family member such as a cousin or sister. When placing that first call to your natural mother you may not be sure what to expect. You may be shocked that your natural mother thought you were someone else and your birth name or information may be enough to bring on a receptive though guarded response.

Some natural mothers may be distant and unwilling to answer... more