I believed that growing up in another family, my son would be like "them" (his adoptive family, not like me or his birth dad). I believed that nurture would outweigh nature. As long as they loved and took good care of him, I thought that all would be well. In some ways, it has been. My son has had a good life, and so have I, mostly.

Nevertheless, I have discovered that adoption is not a experience that you never "get over" or heal from completely. It becomes a part of the fabric of your soul - a part of you. It is not “natural” to take a piece of your self, your own... more

Reunion with my son has radically changed my views on family, and how important it is. When I relinquished my son so many years ago, I did not understand how significant blood ties really are. I was not a teen when he was born; I turned 22 years old the day after he was born.

Nevertheless, I did not comprehend how deeply and how long-lasting the effects of losing my son would be. In effect, it took reunion to awaken me to what relinquishing a child to adoption really means.

Except for a brief time shortly after this birth, I had not allowed myself to feel his... more

When you are sure you are speaking with the right person ask them to write down your phone number incase you get disconnected. When you are ready to move on with the conversation I would prepare your natural mother by saying that you have news that may be something of a surprise to her. Then, ask if the date of your birth means anything to her. You can then ask if it is a good time to talk or would it be better if you called back and if so when?

If your natural mother chooses to say something that sounds like she does not want to talk remember that someone may be... more

I am not saying that having someone else making contact on your behalf is the best option but rather one of your options. There is no right or wrong way however it is important to consider all the options. For example, a letter allows the found natural mother to adjust to the idea before it is necessary for them to respond.

Even if your natural mother searched for you unsuccessfully the first contact will be a shock and they will need time to work through their feelings.

There are many natural mothers who have never told anyone that they had relinquished a child... more

When an adoptee is searching and has completed his or her search, the question now is how to make that first contact. Should you write, or make a phone call? When you,, the adoptee, gets a name, address, and phone number emotions go into overdrive and you are flying high.

The first thing to do is stop and think! Consider asking your self how you would react to a phone call or if you were a birth mother who told no one that you had relinquished a child to adoption would I want someone calling asking my relatives asking them questions. If you got a phone call and some... more

What happens when one person wants a continuing relationship, and the other one does not? What happens what there are conflicting ideas as to how a relationship develops? I understand that it is extremely difficult and at times, painful if one party wants a relationship, and the other one does not. Alternatively, if one party wants a closer relationship than the other does, trouble may arise.

Ultimately, you have to respect and be sensitive to the desires of the other party. Compromises can sometimes be reached. There is also a possibility that you may just... more

In the closed adoption era, the adoption agencies, attorneys, intermediaries, etc advised adopters to not tell their children that they were adopted. There are many that did not follow this advise. Many years later when agencies, attorneys, intermediaries, etc did recommend to the adopters to tell their children that they were adopted many did not follow this advice.

I do believe that there are more adoptees who know and have always know that they were adopted there are still those who don’t know the facts surrounding their conception and birth.

As a natural... more

Reunion – what happens after the first contact or the first meeting? Rarely does everyone instantly mesh into one big happy family like this adorable fantasy group strolling down the street. Ask five reunited adoptees or birth parents about their reunion. You may receive an equal number of varied responses. Many relationships develop after the initial flurry of interest.

There are also situations in which the initial contact provides enough answers that one party in reunion may not need a need for further contact. This is especially hurtful when the other party... more

Though I figured that I would be a bundle of nerves, I was strangely calm and together. Not so calm that a relaxing bubble bath didn't sound good though, so I filled the tub. As I laid there immersed in bubbles, I thought how surreal it all seemed. I could barely believe that it really was going to happen. Soon,I would meet my good-looking, blue-eyed, tow-headed 6 ft. tall son. The last time I had seen him he was 2 or 3 days old.

I laid soaking in the tub dreamily smiling and feeling blessed, yet nearly disbelieving that it could really happen - meeting my son. Though... more

As Part 2 ended, the plane was about to land in Seattle. My emotions were all over the map as I drifted back in time remembering my baby son - how eager I was for him to be born - how much I loved and longed to be his mother. Not until a month before he was born was I "persuaded" to not raise him. I did as I was told and let his adoption happen.

For 32 years, I knew nothing about my son. I knew the sex of the child that I gave birth to, unlike some birth moms in that era, and I held him briefly. Now, as an adult my son had decided that it was time for us to meet again.... more