In Part 1, I commented on how difficult it could be for a birth mother who had named her child to call her child by a different name at reunion. I wonder how many birth moms whose children were not adopted at birth are unable to ever to make the switch?

Is there is a subconscious desire to not accept that the child has another name? Perhaps, it is a stubborn conscious refusal? I have heard from several adoptees whose birth mothers refused to call them by their adoptive names. Others said that... more

What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

- William Shakespeare

Names and labels are a hot topic in adoption. Many adoption bloggers have addressed the issue of whether children should be given new names if they already have names at the time of adoption. But, what about names in relation to search and reunion?

Adoptees searching often have a desire to know if they were named at birth. Finding a birth name during a search often seems to be an exciting, but, sometimes also a somewhat odd... more

“Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.” – Benjamin Lee Whorf

I think all of us know who powerful words are. We have a friend who was comforting her child with the old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me”. The truth is that there are words used by folks to describe adoption ranging from dishonest and inaccurate to hurtful and discriminatory. In many who have lived adoption feel that these terms may be degrading and removed from our collective vocabulary. Often times, these words disguise... more

Another concern with safe havens is that a person who shows up at a site does not have to prove their relationship to the child. Therefore, a parent, spouse or significant other could conceivably take a child from a mother and drop the baby off at a safe haven site. Safe haven sites are generally hospital emergency rooms or police or fire stations.

Women who choose this option, in my opinion, are mentally unstable and in dire need of psychiatric help. I cannot fathom that any women in her right mind would choose to drop her baby off anonymously and not provide any pertinent... more

WARNING: This is not a warm fuzzy story appropriate for the holidays. It just came to my attention though and I wanted to post it while it was on my mind and timely.

A chilling and disturbing news article came across my radar yesterday. Read Here. It is a story from North Texas about a 35-year-old mother of three who was recently arrested for the murder of her newborn. Her son was found six months ago dumped in the trash at Texas World Speedway, a racetrack.

DNA testing linked Ms. Susan... more

Confidentiality, it has been said, is to protect birth parents from later intrusion into their lives by the child and to let them put the past behind them and move on with their lives. This confidentiality for adoptive parents gives them peace of mind that the birth mother won’t intrude into their lives and let them put the past behind them and to move on.

Karen, my blogging buddy, brought up the subject of confidentiality in adoption. The quote above was in one of her latest blogs. Therefore, I thought I would share my take on confidentiality... more

Confidentiality in adoption has been perceived as beneficial to all sides of the adoption triad in the closed adoption era. In the 80’s or 90’s it was almost unheard of adult adoptees to search for their birth parents and for birth parents to search for their children they placed for adoption. However, in the more recent past few years, searching for birth relatives has become more discussed.

Confidentiality, it has been said, is to protect birth parents from later intrusion into their lives by the child and to let them put the past behind them and move on with their... more

For many adopted people, no matter how old they are, telling their adoptive parents that they are considering a search or searching is often a risky proposition. Many adoptees are fiercely protective of and loyal to the parents who raised them. They fear hurting their adoptive parents and/or worry about being rejected by them. The fear of hurting adoptive parents is so overwhelming for some adoptees that they refuse to search until their adoptive parents have passed away.

Other adoptees trust their parents’ ability to be able to understand their need to reconnect with birth... more

I keep hearing so many adoptees with concerns about hurting their parents - birth or adoptive by initiating a search.

First, in regard to birth parents, so many adopted people seem to voice the worry that it might be an intrusion or "disturb" their birth families for them to be contacted. As a mother who was found, here's what I want you to know about that.

For me, and many birth moms, that initial contact is often a profound shock. I would be doing a huge disservice to tell you otherwise. For some it is more traumatic that others. However,no matter how a “found” birth mom or other family member reacts, remember that you are not responsible for how we handle... more

One factor in making the decision to search is the perception of how the adoptive parents might react. Many are afraid that the adoptive parents may feel that searching would hurt the adoptive parents. Even if the adoptive parents are willing to talk about it and answer the adoptees questions the best they could it may still be difficult to share with your adoptive parents that you are going to search. The fear of the reaction that they are your family and why would need to go any where else can be frightening.

It is important to explain and emphasize that the adoptee does not want to replace the family and that they are loved. You may experience feelings of quilt and worry about... more