Is this censorship?

In planning for the “Shedding the Light” conference that was held September 15-16th at Fordham University in New York City, it seems that Betty Jean Lifton was disinvited to speak as the keynote speaker due to her not agreeing to avoid the use of the words “birth mother” as directed by the organizers. Birth mother is a commonly accepted term but apparently the organizations organizing the conference feel it is demoralizing, and marginalizing a mother to the role of a vessel. These two organizations, Adoption Crossroads,... more

A pattern....yes, that is what I have been noticing lately in some discussions of adoption issues. Here is how it goes, "I understand the position of X, but.......Then there are comments like, "There is no right or wrong", "Each situation is different", or other similar remarks.

For the record, I do not believe in the government being a "big brother" type of force that governs every minute detail of our life. However, I do feel strongly that certain laws and guidelines are essential. Without them, we would be running amok with no sense of order. I... more

Critics of adoption practices are accused of all sorts of heinous beliefs and acts. "How dare you put down adoption and sentence more children to languish in an orphanage in (fill in the blank)?", some people rage. Isn't that placing the blame in the wrong place? Should we really blame those who try to "clean up" adoption? Is our indignation directed at the wrong people?

When adoptions slow down or halt in other countries, isn't it because people who facilitate adoptions in those country have messed up and gotten caught? Aren't they the villains who deserve the blame when... more

When people question the despicable practices in Russia and other countries, they are sometimes attacked as anti-adoption. For those who fight to improve bad practices in certain foreign countries, some are inclined to call them anti-adoption. Is it really fair to label people who want to reform adoption either domestically or internationally as anti-adoption? Not to me, it isn’t. But, what about all those poor children in the bleak orphanages of the world that will not be adopted because some “do-gooder” wants to clean up adoption practices in a specific country?... more

I do not venture into international adoption much, however, something’s been bugging me lately, so, I thought I would throw it out there into the blogging world.

Lately, I have noticed something that I find puzzling. It appears to me that when some people criticize any aspect of international adoption, sometimes there seem to be many who are are immediately ready to brand that person "anti-adoption". Pitchforks suddenly appear and a posse of "adoption is perfect" triad members gather. They appear chomping at the bit, ready to pounce on the poor unsuspecting soul who unwittingly... more

One of the reasons that I first came to the forums at adoption.com was so that I could learn more about adoptive moms. I believe that some important changes need to occur in adoption, and that unless birth and adoptive moms unite, these changes will not occur.

Being on the forums has helped me get to know and understand some adoptive moms. Just like birth moms, adoptive moms are a varied lot. Their ideas on adoption and reunion also can be vastly different as well. However, I think in general that many of us do have similar expectations and fears. Many of us approach reunion... more

Many triad members will say that they were the closest to their new found family member the first day they were together. This day may be an entire day or evening together looking at pictures and discussing the family the adoptee was born into but never knew.

As time goes on the natural mother may feel as if there is too much connected with relinquishing her child to adoption and for many natural mothers to difficult to face. This may result in a superficial relationship where cards are sent to one another several times a year.

Some triad members... more

As closed adoptions continue to fade out of favor, and medical science continues to progress, adoption reunions will take on some whole new dimensions in the future. For some, these new reunions are already occurring. I believe these new reunions to be only a beginning of a whole new trend in the future for adoption reunions.

The new reunions that I refer to are those between siblings of sperm donors, and in some case involving the sperm donors themselves. In past decades, men who became sperm donors were mostly anonymous donors, with no intention of ever meeting the children created... more

When I went to visit my son the first time, he told me ahead of time that he had decided to introduce me as "Jan". He explained that he thought "birth mother" sounded too clinical and cold. Then, he quickly went on to say that even though he planned to introduce me as "Jan", everyone would know who I was. As long as people knew who I was, I was okay with his calling me whatever he wanted.

Had he wanted to introduce me as "a friend", however, it would have hurt me deeply and been very disturbing to me. I would have felt as though he was trying to hide who I was. There... more

Labels are another "hot button" issue at reunion. I have heard both adoptees and birth mothers alike express upset or frustration over how their reunited family members introduced them to others or referred to them in person.

Some adoptees get very agitated when their birth mothers sign letters or emails with "Mom" or "Mother" or refer to themselves in that manner. Other adoptees, readily accept that their birth mothers are indeed their "mothers". Some people are able to accept the concept of two or more mothers; others are unable to do so.

One birth mom I know... more